Rambling TV: True Blood recap + thoughts on Fargo.




I miss Game of Thrones

I don't even want to include True Blood gifs in my post this week. I'm too annoyed.

We open with a wet dream Jason is having about Eric. He drank his blood last season, and we all know what that means. As much as I love watching two hot guys like Kwanten and Skarsgard make out, this dream went on way too long and gave off the impression that they're trying to cram as much sex as possible into this final season.

At the church, Sookie mentions they should try to identify the dead girl she saw in the woods last night to see where she's from. Maybe that's where the vamps came from. I love how no one is phased by the fact that Sookie just left some dead random in the woods.

Lettie Mae visits Layafette looking for V so she can see Tara again. Lala shuts that shit down, so later in the episode, Lettie purposely burns herself so Willa will give her blood. She then sees Tara up on a cross, speaking in tongues. This story has "Ifrit" written all over it.

Asshole Vince rallies people at Bellefluer's to fight. He tells everyone Sam's a shifter. Hoyt's stupid mother opens her mouth. I hope someone kills her. Adilynn overhears one of them talking about getting guns from the police station, so they go to warn Kenya, the only officer that's left in town. When the mob shows up "we came here for the guns, as they are our 2nd amendment right" she tells them to cut the NRA Hillbilly bullshit. At that moment, I love Kenya, then they convince her to join them and she locks Adilynn up after she accidentally zaps her with her Faery powers. That was short lived. Jessica senses Adilynn's fear but can't do shit because it's in the afternoon. (She tries calling the station, and Sookie, but doesn't try to call Jason. That makes sense)

Arlene and Holly are just are still in Fangtasia's basement. They realize they know one of the vampires there as their kids 4th grade teacher. They plan on using her to escape. At least Carrie Preston is showing why she's an Emmy winner here. She had great lines and showed a lot of range. 

Sookie, Andy, Sam, Jason, and Alicide go to Saint Alice, the town that the dead girl is from, and find out everyone else there is dead. Sookie reads the woman's diary and finds out she also fell in love with a vampire. She flashes back to her first date with Bill, and I flash back to season 1 when this show was actually good.


This is me trying to like this show.

Back at Fangtasia, the vampires are taking 15 minute naps for some reason. None of them have the bleeds even though they are awake during the day. Teacher Betty takes this opportunity to free Arlene's group. (I bet everyone else in that basement who doesn't know Arlene and Holly are pissed.) Betty drinks from Arlene because she's weak, but she dies and melts in between Arlene's legs, providing us the most disgusting visual I've seen since Jon Snow put a sword through the back of someone's head.

Andy finds Jess in the attic, she warns him about Adilynn.

Sookie sneaks away from Alcide to go find Bill and ask if he can still feel her. She walks out in the middle of the night, alone again. FFS, Sookie. If I were her, I wouldn't run to Bill, I'd call Eric, the 1000 old vampire who's blood she's had more recently and is way stronger (and hotter) than Bill. But, speaking of which..

Pam finds Eric in France. "unfucking believable" she mutters. Then she sees him....he has Hep V.

Because of course he does. All I wanted from this season was the show to end with Sookie and Eric together, and unless they magically find a cure, this scene just confirmed that will not happen. Thanks a lot, True Blood. I guess I'm stick with this being the Bill and Sookie show. UGGGHHHHH



Thoughts on Fargo:

I'm really glad I waited to watch this series all at once, because nothing happened in a few of those episodes, and I think it would've been pretty disappointing. I had a few issues here and there, but overall, it was very enjoyable. 

I'm in love with Alison Tolman now. She was perfect in this, and her and Colin Hanks were so adorable.

I've also never wanted to punch Martin Freeman and Bob Odenkirk so hard. 

Key and Peele showed up for awhile. That was awesome.

Billy Bob Thorton was a straight up creep. It was nice to see Oliver Platt too, even if his story felt a little pointless in the end. (Unless this series continues and they plan on answering more questions about it then)

The accents are awful and over the top (Seriously, very few people actually sound like that up here) but you kind of get used to them.


FTS presents: Paul Thomas AnderJune!



This month at the always wonderful French Toast Sunday, Paul Thomas Anderson is the director in the spotlight. I've decided to rank the films of his I've seen.

1) There Will Be Blood
My favorite PTA film includes stellar performances by Daniel Day-Lewis and Paul Dano. There's just so much to admire here. The film is wordless for the first 15+ minutes, the score is tense, you never quite know when Daniel Plainview is going to lose his shit, but you know it's going to happen. The ending was so shocking to me that I literally just sat there with my mouth hanging open for awhile.

2) The Master
It was tough choosing which one I liked better between The Master and Boogie Nights, but I went with the former because I found the story itself a bit more interesting. Plus, Philip Seymour Hoffman ruled this movie, and I sorely miss him.

3) Boogie Nights
This might have one of the best (and most outrageous) endings in movie history: Dirk Diggler giving himself a pep talk, before whipping out his massive cock that we've heard so much about, but hadn't seen at that point.

4) Magnolia
Magnolia was one that I didn't care for it as much when I first saw it back in high school. I just felt like there was so much to take in, and the length kind of made the movie drag for me. When I re-watched it a few years ago, I had a completely different experience. I appreciated it a lot more.

5) Punk-Drunk Love
This is probably the best performance Adam Sandler has even given. (and it makes him even more annoying to me now knowing he's capable of starring in movies that aren't complete shit) This film was unique, and one that I really should rewatch. 

Indie Gems: Animal Kingdom

Who wants to be part of the family business?

17 year old J (James Frecheville) witnesses his mother die of a heroin overdose. The only family he has to turn to are the ones his mother has been sheltering him from for years. He goes to stay with his grand mother, Janine aka Smurf. (Jacki Weaver) She has three sons, Pope, (Ben Mendelsohn) Craig, (Sullivan Stapleton) and Darren (Luke Ford) Pope and Darren are robbers and Craig deals drugs. A serious of events puts J in the middle of all of this. He's torn between being loyal to a family and assisting a detective (Guy Pearce) who's trying to bring them down.

I've wanted to see this ever since Jacki Weaver got nominated for a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for the film. (We she 100% deserved by the way, she was fantastic) I've just never gotten a chance until now. It was definitely worth the wait for me. I love Australian movies in general because they have the sexiest accents I've ever heard, but that detail aside, there's a lot of great things about this film. Weaver is not the only one that gives a great performance, everyone else does too. Even though Pearce and Joel Edgerton's roles in the film are small, they make good use of their little screen time. It's a very dark and violent story, but it never feels over the top. 

Grade: B

Memorable Quote: "Let him know who's king." - Craig (Sullivan Stapleton)

Teach Me How To Duggar



Some of you may have noticed I started watching 19 Kids and Counting this year. I've always been aware of the Duggars, but I ever actually sat down and watched their show. The four oldest daughters released a book this year called Growing Up Dugger, and it was during their press tour that a couple of quotes from this article jumped out at me. 

"By censoring our thoughts through the filter of God’s word, we will be able to recant any wrong thoughts or temptations that try to sneak in."

They all say that they 'have a natural physical desire toward men' and 'thank God for making us "normal."'

....what?

I'm not going to make fun of the Duggar's religion. The practices they follow are far too extreme for me, but to each is own if you're not hurting someone else. But really, because of the strict rules put on these kids, I feel sorry for them.

Here's some things I've learned about The Duggars and their show from my binge watching.




Jim Bob - Not very bright, but seems to mean well and loves his children. He goes swimming fully clothed (his daughters/wife don "modest" swimsuits, which are basically long black dresses over wet suits, and his sons actually wear wet suits.) Not him though, jeans and t shirt will do. 

Michelle (J'Chelle) - A complete and total narcissist. She's not entirely happy unless the spotlight is on her, and seems to be addicted to having babies. But she only likes them when they're a baby, when they hit 6 months she passes them off to a sister-mom to be raised. She lights up when someone fawns over her for having 19 kids, and cannot let her newly engaged daughter actually announce what is a huge deal herself, she has to pipe something in first. She also displays her own wedding dress at her daughter's wedding, because what the fuck is that?

Josh - Oldest child, extremely smug, works for a hate group in Washington DC, allowed his wife to give birth on a toilet on national television.

Jana - Lead sister mom, seems sad all the time, the kids run to her when they're hurt or sick over their parents.

John-David - He likes to pull pranks like putting mothballs in sardines in newly weds' cars, so he's forever on my shit list. 

Jill - Seemingly the most devout and talkative of the daughters, Jill studies to be a lay midwife, which I really like about her. (Even though her family would never allow her to go to an actual college) She's recently gotten married, and kind of acts like a 13 year old girl with a crush around her husband. He seems pretty rad though.

Jessa - Seems very aware that she's the "hottest" Duggar daughter, courts a guy that thinks it's okay to wear an "I Survived Roe vs Wade" t shirt.



Jinger - Coffee enthusiast, my favorite. She actually has an entire community with her name on it - Free Jinger, which is the go to place for Duggar snarking. (I wonder if she knows about it?)

Joseph - Slowly morphing into John-David's twin.

Josiah - My other favorite because he genuinely seems very loving. He also seemed visibly upset when his mother announced another pregnancy with Jubilee after nearly dying having Josie. The poor guy got shipped off to ALERT this year though, and from what I'm gathering, that's pretty much a fundie bootcamp. 

Joy-Anna - She's probably dreading her older sisters getting married off. She's gonna be upgraded to Sister-mom status soon.

Jedidiah - Twin 1

Jeremiah - Twin 2

Jason - uhh...

James - erm....

Justin - ummmmm...

Jackson - Oh! This one's always in the talking heads with Johannah. He's adorable.

Johannah - This one's always in the talking heads with Jackon. She's adorable. 

Jennifer - She seems very attached to her sister mom, Jill, and I feel bad that she just lost her.

Jordyn-Grace - The forgotten daughter due to micro premie Josie being born so close to her. She doesn't even get to celebrate her own birthday, she shares one with Josie and niece MacKenzie because they're all the same age for a week. 


Josie - Very attention seeking. Wore fake pigtails as a baby because why the fuck do infants need fake hair?

In my Duggar binge watching, I've learned about their buddy system, how the four oldest girls raise the kids, cook, clean, etc, because Michelle needs to be available to submit to Jim Bob whenever he wants. The boys only do boy stuff. Gender roles, bitches! There was also early mention of "blanket training" in which they put a 6 month old baby on a blanket with a toy to play with, and spank it if it crawls off the blanket. This teaches them "control." They don't mention things like this in their show anymore for obvious reasons.

They talk about "buying used to save the difference" yet they only eat off paper plates with plastic silverware. That can't be cheap. I think they threw this one out the door in later seasons too, because you can SEE the difference in their clothes. (Unless their town got a Plato's Closet or something)



at least they stopped perming

I learned that even though Michelle and Jim Bob said they let their own kids choose boundaries when it comes to courting, they had to explain that Jill "made a mistake" about giving a full frontal hug to her boyfriend who she hadn't seen in 2 months instead of the Duggar approved "side hug." (Hand holding is only allowed after they are engaged, their first kiss is meant for their wedding day, then they jump straight to sex) Yep. These people sexualize things like hugs, hand holding, shoulders and knee caps. The girls even have a codeword - "Nike" for when they need to warn their brothers to look down because a woman isn't dressed modestly. 

I learned that Michelle doesn't fully understand the point of over population.

I learned that shoes are not big in this family and "you can do anything in flip flops." (Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD.) I cringed when I saw the girls hammering away at nails in flip flops when they showed up to help rebuild a house that was wrecked by a tornado. (and apparently just shilled their books when the cameras weren't rolling)

I recently did a post about hate watching TV shows, but I don't hate watch 19 Kids and Counting. I'm fucking FASCINATED by this family. I will probably watch again next season (and I'll be the first to buy a book written by one of these kids if they actually do break away)

Please tell me I'm not the only one that watches this show? Is there anyone else that will snark along with me? Or am I just a heathen for writing this post?








DVD Review: Labor Day

And you thought your life was weird.

Henry (Gattlin Griffith) is somewhat torn between his divorced parents, Adele (Kate Winslet) and Gerald. (Clark Gregg) He chooses to live with his mother, who is suffering from a deep depression. One day at the grocery store, Henry offered a wounded man, Frank (Josh Brolin) a ride. He talks is way into their house, and it turns out he's an escaped convict. But his presence there changes Adele and Henry in ways they were not expecting.

Jason Reitman is a director that I have high expectations of. He's turned out great movies over the past few years, but I suppose directors have to falter sometime, and this film is easily Reitman's worst. It's not to say it's completely horrible. Winslet, Griffith and Brolin all give great performances, and the story itself is pretty interesting, it's just plagued with a few choices I didn't care for. The film frequently jumps into flashbacks of Brolin and Winslet's characters when they were young, and the transition is not smooth. Then there's Henry's little teenage girlfriend who I wanted to strangle throughout the entire movie. 

The ending also felt a little unexplained, I guess it's more clear in the novel, but I felt like it didn't answer all my questions.  

Recommended: No/Yes. It's not the best movie out there, but like I said. Performances are good.

Grade: C

Memorable Quote: "Who says I don't?" - Henry (Gattlin Griffith)

Rambling TV: True Blood recap

It's True Blood's finale season. Interviews with the show runners state they wanted to make this season about their cast, and not introduce another character as a threat. I really like that gesture, but that's not the feeling I was getting last night. Let's hope it changes. True Blood is a show that started so strong and has been awful for the past 2 seasons. I hope this one can be better. As always, click those gifs to be redirected to their makers.



We start the season immediately where we left off last year. Sam and Bill are hosing a mixer at Merlotte's Bellefleur's for a humans to feed non hep V infected vampires, and for said vampires to protect them from the Hep V crazy vamps. Then they are attacked. Holly, Arlene, Sam's pregnant girlfriend who I still don't give a fuck about, and a few other familiar faces are carried off. Tara starts to fight a vampire that's trying to eat her mother. When we cut back to them, we see Lettie Mae covered in blood. Tara has been killed off screen.

I thought Tara should've died in the S4 finale, instead they turned her into a vampire and her character was completely insufferable after that. But killing her off screen? That's of cheap.

Some guy who's apparently named Vince, he lost to Sam in the mayor race sees him shift after all this. He starts taking groups of people out to look for the missing people on his own instead of waiting for the police. 

Sookie listens in on everyone at the bar. They're all blaming her and calling her a slut. Even Alcide thinks it's partially her fault. She walks off angerly and throws her phone when Alicide tries to call. Later, they fight about the fact that Sookie is cursed with hearing everyone's thoughts, then after that, they have make up sex. 

Speaking of sex, our other obligatory sex scene came from Jason. (Because of course it did) He's set out to try to find these Hep V vamp's nests, and he runs into that random Vince and his people instead, Violet tells them off (in what has to be some of the worst dialogue I ever heard) and Jason is mad about her taking a stand like that. He demands to be fucked right there on the side of the road. 

Jessica heads over to Andy and Adilynn's, she wants to protect her from all of this. The two bond over boyfriends through an open window until a Hep V Vamp shows up, and Jessica for some reason doesn't kill him, but has a stand off with him until nearly day break when Adilynn forces her to come in and hide. Jessica nearly bites her, but she controls herself. Andy is going to be pissed when he comes home and finds Jess in their house.


Speaking of Jess, her boyfriend last season? James? Yeah, he's been recast. NuJames isn't as hot, but he goes home with Lafayette to protect him, and they bond over weed, and James tells Lafayette how he was turned. I actually really liked this scenes, just because it was more Lafayette.


Pam is in Morocco playing Russian Roulette and telling people to go fuck themselves.  Turns out her purpose there is to gather information on Eric's whereabouts. Please bring him back soon.

Holly, Arlene and co are being held captive in Fangtasia's basement. The first thing that came to mind was how pissed Pam and Eric are going to be. That's there's damn it.

Bill and Andy go out to check another possible nest, and find dead human bodies. They also find this Vince asshole again, and while he encourages Andy to put down Bill, he refuses. 

The next day at church, Lettie Mae tells Sookie she isn't welcome there, causing Sookie to sweetly flip shit on the entire town. She says she knows they blame her, and she accepts some of that blame, but she loves them and she wants to help. I loved and hated this scene. I like that Sookie stood up for herself, but where the fuck were Jason and Sam when Lettie was saying that crap? Also WHY is this Sookie's fault? Because she slept with one vampire that everyone knows about? (I know she technically slept with two, but none of those people know about Eric) Blaming Sookie is stretching it in my opinion.

This was a very "meh" episode, but it set up the rest of the season well. I hope we get Eric soon, and I hope Sookie can actually take charge, she felt like mostly an afterthought here.



Indie Gems: Water Lilies

Well, this is confusing.

Water Lilies (aka Naissance des pieuvres) follows two 15 year old synchronized swimmers in France as they try to navigate their confusing adolescence. On one hand, we have Marie (Pauline Acquart, a mini Scarlett Johansson) and Anne. (Louise Blanchere) Marie is painfully shy, and finds herself attracted to Floriane, (Adele Haenel) the captain of their swim team. Anne is more adventurous, but she's overweight and sets her sights on losing her virginity to a popular boy.

This is one of my favorite foreign language films. I still remember the first time I watched it. I was bored, it was on IFC, the synopsis didn't seem that intriguing at first, but I was immediately pulled into it. The acting is top notch, I don't know a lot about French cinema, but I imagine these three girls will have long careers in it. The last shot of this film is absolutely beautiful too. I think it's one of my all time favorites.

Grade: A

Memorable Quote: "The ceiling is probably the last thing most people see. And when you die, the last thing you see it printed in your eye like a photo. Imagine all the people with ceilings in their eyes." - Marie (Pauline Acquart)

2014 Blind Spot Series: Persona


What I knew going in: Alex and Josh love this film. There was one scene I instantly recognized. 

This is my first Ingmar Bergman movie. My Bergy cherry is broken, I'm so proud. *tear* I have about 5 other movies of his in my Netflix queue, and two more on my Blind Spot, but that one is reserved for December.

Alma (Bibi Andersson) is a nurse who's been charged with looking after Elizabet (Liv Ullman) an actress who has stopped speaking. She seems perfectly healthy, so Alma takes her to a colleague's summer house to get away from it all. Alma pours her heart out to Elizabet, who doesn't respond, just listens. Eventually, the lines get blurred. 

Wow. What the fuck? I feel like I have a million different theories about what I have just seen, but in a way, do any of them matter? Is there really a right or wrong here? Bergman just wanted to mess with people, right? The only things I'm sure of are that Andersson gave one of the best performances I've ever seen, and I'm jealous of Ullman's lips. I wish I had something more eloquent to add about a film like this, but honestly. I'm just kind of speechless.

This film was quite the experience. I wasn't crazy about the intro, but it captivated me through out, and even if I can't place my finger on what exactly I thought happened, I'm happy to have seen this, and I look forward to the rest of Bergman's work.

Recommended: Yes


Grade: A

Memorable Quote: "I'm not like you. I don't feel like you." - Alma (Bibi Andersson)

Review: 22 Jump Street

Just do the exact same thing you did last time.

22 Jump Street is about as subtle as an earthquake when it comes to comparing itself to 21 Jump Street. It pokes fun at itself several times, both with saying sequels fail, that they need to do the exact same thing, that their budget is bigger. Clearly, the filmmakers wanted us to really know that this sequel was made because fuck you, that's why. $$$$$$$$$$

Schmidt (Jonah Hill) and Jenko (Channing Tatum) are back undercover again. They've moved across the street to 22 Jump street, and are now going to college to track down the dealer and supplier of a new drug. Just like last time.

I have to say, the end credits in this movie are genius. I'm a little torn on this film. The reason the original was so funny to me was because I had zero expectations and it turned out being hilarious. This one, while having some extremely hilarious parts (Ice Cube's reaction to a major plot point, and Channing Tatum laughing at it) but it did feel a little phoned in all around. It's not a bad movie, there are laughs, but it's not a theater movie to me. More of a DVD watch.

Recommended: Yes (like I said, not bad, just not theater worthy)

Grade: C+

Memorable Quote: "Fuck you, doves!" - Jenko (Channing Tatum)

Rambling TV: Game of Thrones season finale recap



I try not to be a book purist when it comes to my favorites being adapted to film. I tried not to roll my eyes at all the changes they made to Harry Potter. I sat patiently while they shortened a tv interview in We Need To Talk About Kevin. When it comes to Game of Thrones, I expect changes. Especially now that we're getting into book 4-5. However there are some things I can't let go of, because I think they help the story for the better. I had three problems with The Children, but I'm going to try not to turn this into a gigantic bitch fest. (but at this point, I'm a professional hater so it's probably going to happen anyways) But I liked most of the episode, I swear.

The Wall:
Jon head out to treat with Mance, whom we haven't seen since early season 3. They chat, Mance talks about how the giant they killed came from an old family. "Grenn came from a farm" Jon deadpans. They toast to Ygritte, and to their lost, and Mance lays down his terms. He wants Jon to let his people through the wall, they both know winter is coming and they want to hide behind too. Suddenly, we hear battle horns. We get a beautiful shot overhead of an army charging. 




STANNIS STANNIS STANNIS
Mance stands down, Stannis and Davos ride up like the bosses they are, but Mance won't kneel. Jon reveals himself to Stannis, and tells him Ned Stark was his father. Stannis acknowledges that he was an honorable man, and takes Mance and his people prisoner.

Later, we see the Night's Watch lay their fallen to rest, Melisandre is there eye fucking Jon. Later, he sets a pyre for Ygritte beyond the wall.

Kings Landing - The Cersei Chronicles.

Cersei is with Grand Maester Pycelle and Qyburn, they're working on The Mountain who still isn't dead. Oberyn poisoned his spear to ensure a slow painful death. Qyburn wants to experiment on him, so Cersei kicks Pycelle out of his lab. If I didn't hate Pycelle so much, I'd feel bad.

Then we see her tell Tywin she won't marry Loras Tyrell, that she will do anything to protect her son, oh, and they're bastard children. Tywin refuses to believe this. At first, I was annoyed that Cersei even admitted all of this, but in a way, I can see that they're trying to show just how bat shit crazy she can be. It's the next scene I hated.

Problem #1: Cersei visits Jaime in his tower and seduces him. She kisses him, tells him she wants him, insults Tyrion,  KISSES HIS GOLDEN HAND THAT SHE'S SUPPOSED TO DESPISE. Then Jaime fucks her. WHAT?! Why is Jaime regressing? He should already be rejecting Cersei by now. Plus transition-wise, it doesn't make sense for when we see Jaime later.

Beyond the Wall
Bran and co finally get to the Godswood Jojen has been seeing. Only they get attacked by Wights (the risen bodies of the undead, not to be confused with those creepy ass white walkers we're used to seeing) Summer, Meera, and Bran warging into Hodor fight them off. Meera turns her back on Jojen only to see him getting stabbed to death. He tells them to make a run for it. Suddenly, The children of the forest appear and throw some Pokemon fire balls at the Wights to save them. When they get inside the cave, the Wights can't follow. They finally meet the three eyed crow, who has manifested himself into an old man. Bran goes all Harry Potter and says "I didn't want anyone to die for me" and asks if he is going to help him walk again. "You will never walk again, Brandon, but you will fly." I'm glad they kept that line in there. It was one of my favorites from the book



The Vale of Arryn
Brienne and Pod wake up, they've lost their horses since Pod can't tie a knot. Brienne runs across Arya, and they have a sweet moment talking about how their fathers wouldn't let them fight. Of course that sweetness is ruined when The Hound shows up, Podrick recognizes him, and Arya refuses to go with Brienne. Brienne and The Hound have an epic fight that involved cuntpunts, ears being bitten off, and rock head bashing. It was intense. Arya hides from Brienne after it's over, and when The Hound asks her to give him the mercy of a quick death, she takes his gold and leaves.

Meereen
Dany is still in her throne room when a man brings the bones of his three year old daughter that Drogon torched. Drogon is nowhere to be found. Jorah's words echoing in her head about not being able to control them, she chains Viseron and Rhaegal in a pit. I almost cried, I got way too emotional over a couple of dragons.

Kings Landing - Tyrion's cell
Tyrion is lying in his cell awaiting his death, when suddenly his door opens. It's Jaime, he's freeing him with the help of Varys. I guess all Jaime needed was a good fuck to get this plan into motion? Jaime tells Tyrion to go through the door, and Varys will be there, they hug and part. Enter Problem #2: There was no mention of Tysha, Tyrion's previous wife who he thought was actually a whore Jaime paid. Now, I know plenty of Unsullied assholes wrote this off as book readers being picky, but this particular conversation is what changes Tyrion from here on out, and is the major catalyst for him going to Tywin's chambers instead of straight to Varys. Tyrion finds Shae in Tywin's bed, she reaches for a knife, and he strangles her. No dialogue. He then walks down to Tywin's privy, cross bow in hand, and aims at him. Tywin attempts to talk him out of it. He lies to Tyrion, says he admires him for not dying and said that he was never going to let them kill Tyrion. Tyrion then turns the conversation to Shae when it should've been Tysha. It just doesn't have the same emotional punch. It's not like Tysha was completely unknown to Unsullied either, they talked about her in season 1. Tyrion tells Tywin "I've always been your son" and puts two arrows in him.

When he finally gets to Varys, he asks "what have you done?" Tyrion is silent. As he's loading him up in a crate on a ship, Varys is about to head back to the Red Keep when the dreaded bells start winning. In what was probably my favorite moment of the episode, Varys turns the fuck around and gets on that boat with Tyrion.



Speaking of boats, Arya also gets on one in the Saltpans, one heading for Braavos. She gives then captain the coin Jaqen gave her in season 2, and says "Valor Morghulis." As the music was playing in this scene, I started getting nervous. "No, they can't end it here" I kept telling myself. But they did. Problem #3 and MAJOR BOOK SPOILERS

No. Fucking. Lady Stoneheart. They only needed an extra 20 seconds for this scene, that's all they needed, and they left her out! They threw away a chance to truly shock the audience, and HBO LOVES SHOCKING PEOPLE. They get shock boners all the time, and they didn't use her. Even Alex Graves, the director of this episode was disappointed. He wanted her in there. I can't fathom why they didn't include this quick and extremely fucked up scene. This is actually overshadowing the rest of the episode for me. I wanted that so badly, and I thought for sure we'd get it. D&D better have a damn good explanation for this one. (and yes, I feel that I'm owed that, at least)

Thanks for reading my Game of Thrones recaps! As always, click the gifs to be redirected to their makers. I'll be recapping True Blood when it starts up in two weeks.

Review: How To Train Your Dragon 2

Dracarys. 

How to Train Your Dragon is one of my favorite animated films of all time. That score, the shots of the dragons flying, I just loved it. I raged when Toy Story 3 won the Best Animated Oscar over it. Now we're back for its sequel, and honestly, it's just as good. 

It's been 5 years since we last saw Hiccup (Jay Baruchel) he's still riding Toothless, and exploring the world. His father, Stoick (Gerard Butler) wants him to become the chief of Berk so he can retire, but Hiccup doesn't want that. He's still with Astrid (America Ferrara, who kind of got on my nerves this time around) and she's been racing dragons with their other friends. Hiccup runs across some dragon catchers, led by Eret (Kit Harington) who are helping build a dragon army for the mysterious Drago. (Djimon Hounsou) He's going to wage war. In the process of trying to stop this, Hiccup also runs across his long lost mother, Valka. (Cate Blanchett)

John Powell is back with yet another magnificent score. The animation in this one blows the previous film out of the water. The flying scenes are a little more intricate, and there's one hell of a battle scene, animated-wise, anyways. Sure Dragons 2 gets a little predictable and cheesy at times (of course, it's a kids movie) but it's still very enjoyable, and I hope they do a 3rd.

Also have you ever rooted for an animated couple this much?




LOOK AT THEM!

Recommended: Yes

Grade: A+

Memorable Quote: "TAKE ME NOW!" - Ruffnut (Kristen Wiig)

Indie Gems: Barefoot

What I find when I don't take IMDb seriously.

This is a remake of a German film, and until very a few weeks ago, despite it starring one of my favorite actresses, I had never heard of it. When I found it browsing through Netflix, I immediately threw it in my queue. Then I looked on IMDb, everyone's favorite movie website/cesspool of a forum to see what the general consensus was. It turns out a lot dismissed this movie as "just another film that lampoons mental illness." Well, it's not that...

Jay (Scott Speedman) is currently on probation working as a janitor in a mental health hospital. He comes from a very wealthy family, and the first time we meet him, we see him trying to recruit a date to his brother's wedding, and failing miserably. Enter Daisy (Evan Rachel Wood) a newly admitted patient who's mother raised her in nearly total isolation. She's extremely naive, and decides to follow Jay out of the hospital. He lets her tag along. JK Simmons co-stars as a doctor at said hospital.

This isn't the best movie out there, but I think it's definitely worth the watch for any Evan Rachel Wood fan. She's never really played a character quite like Daisy. She's very childlike, and even when Evan Rachel Wood was a child actor, her characters still felt more grown up than Daisy. The film doesn't tear apart mental illness either. I'd elaborate more on that, but it would be a pretty big spoiler for the 3rd act.

Barefoot is a breezy little film with a good heart and a great performance from it's leading lady.

Grade: B-

Memorable Quote: "They hurt my feet...." - Daisy (Evan Rachel Wood)

DVD Review: The Invisible Woman

Historic people that seem nice are probably douchebags.


Okay, so that's a broad statement, but if this movie is accurate (and honestly I'm too lazy to check) then Charles Dickens was a class A douche for what he did to his wife.

The Invisible Woman tells the story of Dickens (Ralph Fiennes, also the director) and the affair that he had with young Nelly (Felicity Jones) in the 1850's. He wants to keep her a secret for obvious reasons, which is shocking because early on the in film he fails miserably at this when his wife accidentally receives jewelry meant for Nelly AND HE MAKES HER GIVE IT TO NELLY HERSELF. Nelly's not exactly the most sympathetic character either, she still lies to her husband about her relationship with Dickens and many more things on top of that.

To put into context how boring this movie is, I watched this movie while running on my treadmill, and it nearly put me to sleep. Running on my treadmill! Who wants to pass out mid work out? People watching this shit, apparently. There's no credit to give anywhere. I like Fiennes and Jones, but they don't turn in particularly great performances. Nothing stands out about Fiennes' direction. Normally, at least the costumes look good in these period pieces, but I can't even give it credit there because none of Jones' costumes fit her properly. (How did this get a costume design Oscar nom over Oz: The Great and Powerful?)

Then there's an awful train crash sequence, a stillborn baby that looks like the one from Children of the Damned, and the annoyingly angry score. 

Recommended: No

Grade: F

Memorable Quote: "He always knew he'd go before me." - Nelly (Felicity Jones)
  

It's okay to hate watch TV shows.



Hate watching. Plenty do it. Personally, I hate watch True Blood and The Walking Dead like it's nobody's business. One of the most annoying questions in any fandom is "why do you still watch the show if you hate it?"

There's a variety of reasons why people hate watch:

1) Because they've already invested so much time into it, they need to see it through.

2) Because it used to be great (True Blood) and we hope they recapture that greatness.

3) It has potential to be so much better. (The Walking Dead)

4) Addiction.

5) Because fuck you, that's why.

I hate watch True Blood because the first few seasons were awesome, I care about some the characters, and I NEED to see how it ends.

I hate watch The Walking Dead because while it's never been a great show, it's mostly been entertaining until this last season, I care about some of the characters, and I need to see it resolve the mess that was season 4.

I hate watched Rescue Me during it's last few seasons because I invested SO much into that show.

What do you hate watch? and why?




Rambling TV: Game of Thrones recap + other TV thoughts


The Watchers on the Wall promised the most intense battle sequence Game of Thrones has seen since Blackwater, and it certainly delivered on that aspect. The episode itself was fantastic, it just ended far too soon, and without the grand ending I hoped for. It's a shame. As always, click those gifs to be redirected to their makers. 

We start off the episode with Sam trying to pressure Jon into telling him what sex is like. Jon didn't say it was like warm apple pie. He sends Sam off, who heads to the library, because that's all Sam can think of. Maester Aemon joins him, and basically tells him that get got some V before he took his vows. 

The wildlings are camped right outside of Castle Black. Ygritte reminds everyone that if anyone tries to kill Jon Snow, she will kill them first. Gilly and baby Sam sneak past them and show up at the gates. Sam yells at Pyp to "open the fucking gates" earning him the line of the night. Sam hides Gilly in a cellar to keep her safe, but not before kissing her.

Then, Mance lights his massive fire beyond the wall, and the battle begins. 


So many things happened. Thorne stopped being a massive douche for once, quasi admitted to Jon that he should've sealed the gates, then went down to the courtyard to kick some ass. Slynt, when left in command atop the wall chickened out and went to hide in the cellar with Gilly. Jon, commanded his brothers in his place. 

A giant shot a massive arrow from the ground, through someone at the top of the wall, who then fell and impaled himself on the other side. That was fucking awesome, oh my God. 

There was a great long tracking shot that showed everyone fighting in the courtyard before Sam releases Ghost to rip some throats. Poor Pyp and Grenn fell on the battlefield, despite them both being alive in the novels. 

The lead Thenn smashes Jon's face in an anvil, only for Jon to spit his blood back in his face and go all hammer time on him. Then he sees Ygritte, but she hesitates and can't kill him again. This leaves time for Ollie (the young boy who's father Ygritte killed) to put an arrow through her chest. She dies in Jon's arms and mentions they probably shouldn't have left that cave.

Everyone that was sad about not getting the chain in the Blackwater episode got a new chain that knocked several wildlings off the wall. A Mammoth stomped on some people, then got set on fire. Basically, a lot of shit went down. Now let's talk about the ending.

At this point, I wasn't paying attention to the time, so when the episode ended with Jon walking through the gates, about to treat with Mance, I was shocked. We only made it 2/3 through the battle, and the glorious ending is now going to be jammed into the finale with a bunch of other glorious things. I'm sure it will be worth it when we DO see it happening, but it should've been an episode ender, and we know this season will not end with The Wall. It just won't. It's a fucking shame. 

The preview for episode 10 is a little infuriating because of this. There's a shot of Dany who we really don't need to see, her story is wrapped for season 4. There's Jaime and Cersei kissing, we don't need that either. Basically, I'm worried that the major events that are going to happen aren't going to be given the time they deserve. Plus, some awesome web sleuths pointed out, it looks like it's Brienne The Hound is about to fight, and that is just so much wtf.

Best One-liners from Veep
"You do me better than I do me." - "You do yourself a lot"
"I do not want you on top of me"
"I get nose bleeds when I'm anxious!"
"I don't have friends in DC. They all call me dicks behind my back. Like, right behind my back so I can hear them."
"I was bulimic for the entire year, and I didn't even lose any weight!"
"I'm so happy it's ME!"
"I'm the President, I can fuck anyone I want to now, right?"



Indie Gems: King of Devils Island

Bastøy Boys

Based on a true story, King of Devils Island is about a reform type institution for boys called Bastoy. It's on a secluded Island off the coast of Norway. The year is 1915 and Erling (Benjamin Helstad, the Norse Kyle Gallner) is sent to Bastoy instead of going to jail. Once he gets there, he's assigned the new moniker "C19." Bastøy is run by The Governor (Stellan Skarsgard) and Erling is put under the charge of a fellow boy, Olav (Trond Nilssen) aka C1 who is to show him the rules. They soon find out about some of the awful things the authority figures are doing here.

I've had this in my Netflix queue forever, and it was due to come off instant stream, so I quickly jumped on it. Now I'm wondering why I put it of for so long, it was brilliant. The film itself reminded me a lot of Doubt. It's bleak, gloomy, grey, there's little to no color and it fits the mood perfectly.

The acting is phenomenal. Of course Skarsgard is good and scary, he always is. But the real stars here are the boys, Helstad and Nilssen. Nilssen in particular was a stand out. He's so restrained early on and slowly begins to crack as he's forced to bring some harsh accusations to the Governor's attention. 

Grade: A

Memorable Quote: "He has done everything right. And now he's going home." - Olav (Trond Nilssen)

Review: Maleficent

I know you...

This retelling of one of my favorite Disney movies ever starts with a young Maleficent. (Issobelle Malloy as a teen, Angelina Jolie as an adult) She's nothing like the one we already know. She's kind, sweet, and has beautiful wings. She meets a boy named Stefan (Michael Higgins as a teen, Sharlto Copley as an adult) they grow to be friends, she falls in love with him, his ambition to be king outweighs his feelings for his friend, so he drugs her and cuts off her wings to secure that. This act of betrayal turns Maleficent into the evil being we know her as. Like Sleeping Beauty, she curses Stefan's daughter Aurora (Elle Fanning) to prick her finger and fall asleep on her 16th birthday. Aurora is supposed to be cared for by three fairies, but they suck at their job to put it lightly. Maleficent is the one that ends up quasi raising her and bonding with her.

I fell asleep while watching Snow White and the Huntsman, the other "dark" Disney version that this will undoubtedly be compared to. This film never had a dull moment for me. It was cool seeing this revision. Maleficent has a softer (and sassy) side that that wasn't known to us before, and Stefan is the truly evil one. 

Jolie was perfect for this role, I couldn't see anyone else pulling it off the way she did. The effects were beautiful (even though seeing poor Juno Temple, Imelda Staunton and Lesly Manville as fairies was a little disturbing) and the music was very whimsical. 

Recommended: Yes

Grade: B

Memorable Quote: "....what?" - Maleficent (Angelina Jolie)

Rambling TV: Game of Thrones recap + other TV thoughts.

It's been two days, has the shock worn off yet? I don't think I'm ever going to lose that visual of Oberyn. It's one thing reading about it, but actually seeing it played out in front of you...*shudders* I've decided to split my recap of The Mountain and the Viper up by locations, it's just a bit easier. As always, click those gifs to be redirected to their makers.

Molestown
Typical brothel shenanigans ensues, Gilly is getting picked on by a whore, but she's not having any of it. Then the wildlings attack. Gilly hides with little Sam, Ygritte finds her and spares her, reminding us that not all wildlings are total assholes. 

Castle Black
Big Sam is sad over the attack on Molestown because he sent Gilly there, his friends assure him that Gilly has survived so much, that she probably got out a live. Poor Sam. Jon was all melancholy as usual. He should probably learn how to make explosives or something. They're going to need them when Mance attacks.

Moat Cailin
Ramsay and Reek once again give us a perfect demonstration of Stockholm's Syndrome as he makes Reek, well, pretend to be Theon Greyjoy. He tells the Iron Born they will be allowed to leave if they surrender. The leader does not want to, but another man kills him and says they will surrender since they get to go home. We then cut to this same man, only he's been flayed and tortured, along with the rest of the Iron Born. Ramsay says it's Bolton tradition. Reek probably sees more flayings in his future. Later, Roose, who I have an unhealthy older man crush on shows up and gives Ramsay a royal notice that makes him a true Bolton instead of a Snow. He tells Roose he will make him proud. (aww?) Then in full creeper style he tells Reek he'll be needing a bath when they arrive. The camera pans away, and they're riding towards Winterfell.

Meereen
This week's obligatory nudity goes to Missandei as Grey Worm pervs from a distance. She catches him, and later after a chat with Dany about whether or not the Unsullied lost "the pilar and the stones" she says she's glad he saw her. This was sweet and all, but I'm kind of wondering what the point of it is? I did like that scene between Dany and Missandei though, with Dany doing her hair. It's nice to see that even though she's a queen, she has time for little things like that.

Then in the scene I've been dreading all season, Barriston receives a note with Jorah's royal pardon by Robert Baratheon. He tells Jorah man to man first, but denies Jorah's request to tell Dany alone. Iain Glen was great in his confession scene, Emilia Clarke was not. She played it with more anger than heartbreak, which is weird because in an interview that EW had posted, she said it was a heartbreaking decision for Dany, so where was that? That was supposed to be the hardest decision Dany has made so far, but it didn't feel like it. 


The Vale
The Vale story line has turned into something completely different from the book. I'm enjoying it for the most part, it's nice to not know everything. In the book, they blame Lysa's death on a singer that was also in the room. Since we didn't get that in the show, Littlefinger is being interrogated by the other lords of the Vale when they bring in Sansa (who they think is Alayne) as a witness. She says she has to tell the truth, admits she's Sansa...then tells an elaborate lie to go along with Littlefinger's suicide story he was pushing. Later she tells Littlefinger she knows what he wants, when we see her again, her hair is dyed black and she swaggers down the stairs in a bird dress. That's the best way to describe it. The hair dying thing doesn't make a lot of sense at this point, because in the book they dyed it BEFORE she got to the Vale to disguise the fact that she is Sansa. I'm assuming there will be some dialogue in the future saying that is what they're doing NOW, but still. They should've just did that in the beginning. I always thought Sansa would grow up to be very politically savvy in the books, and that seems to be the way they're going here. I'm also assuming (and dreading) the fact that she's probably going to quasi seduce Petyr to get what she wants. I'm judging this by the way she walked down the stairs.

Outside the Blood Gate, Arya and The Hound arrive to find out Lysa is dead. Arya bursts out laughing because she's 100% done with all of this shit. 


King's Landing
Jaime and Tyrion share a sweet scene where they reminisce about a simple minded cousin who smashed beetles day and night. Dinklage and Coster-Waldau really shine in their scenes together this season. Tyrion frets briefly about Oberyn losing, and when the bell rings, Jaime tells Tyrion good luck, and looks like he's about to cry.

At the arena, Tyrion tells Oberyn he should have thicker armor, a helmet, and that he shouldn't be drinking before a fight. Oberyn delivers the line of the night and says "And you learned this from your years in the fighting pits?" Ellaria rightly freaks when she sees The Mountain enter. Pycelle starts blessing the fight before Tywin orders him to shut the fuck up. Like the book, Oberyn shouts "you raped her, you murdered her, you killed her children" at the Mountain, trying to avenge the death of his beloved sister Elia. It was just as intense as I thought it would be. Just as you think Oberyn has won, (And Cersei and Tywin begin to lose their shit) The Mountain trips him up, gives Oberyn the confession he wants, then crushes his skull. Ellaria screams, Tyrion can't even look, Jaime looks like he's going to cry, Cersei just came. We were deprived of a Varys facial expression. Tywin sentences Tyrion to death. The show ends with Tyrion looking broken.



I was watching this show with my mother who really thought Oberyn was going to win, and oh my God, her face. She was pissed. She yelled at me (again) for making her watch this show. Tyrion's her favorite and now she thinks he's going to die. It reminded me how I felt when I read it, because even though I should've known better, I honest to God did NOT see Oberyn losing. It didn't even occur to me. Next week we get the high anticipated battle of The Wall. If this doesn't go a certain way, Lady Sati is going to burn down HBO's studios so hopefully it's as good as we all hope it will be.

Best one liners from Veep
"It's so smooth..like touching a child's face." "I don't enjoy touching child's faces and neither should you."

"Milk and two heaping spoonfuls of whatever the fuck you're on."

"If there's a dirty trick I cannot stand, it's honesty."

On a side note, I think I'm starting to ship Amy and Dan. 

I also watched The Incest Chronicles Petals on the Wind and The Normal Heart. The former was extremely cheesy and the later was extremely well acted. Plus I heard Sheldon Cooper say "fuck" so that was hilarious. The sad thing about Petals on the Wind is that I will probably watch If There Be Thorns when Lifetime makes it, because I hate myself.