Thursday Movie Picks: Spanish Films

This week's theme from Wandering Through the Shelves is another foreign edition. Films in the Spanish language. One of my all time favorite foreign films happens to be Spanish, but when I went to type up this post this week, I realized I've only seen a handful of Spanish films. I'll need to broaden my horizon. Here are a few I enjoy.

1) Pan's Labyrinth

This is one of my favorite films. It's so stylish, I loved the dark fairy tale element to it tied into the horrors of living with a crazy tyrant of a step father. 

2) The Sea Inside

I watched this for the first time during Four Ways a Best Picture and it was one of the stronger foreign contenders for me. Javier Bardem was wonderful.

3) The Orphanage

I toyed with the idea of this one or Rec, both are creepy Spanish horror films, but this one is a bit more memorable to me due to its haunting visuals. 

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Rambling TV: Surprise, Crows, Agents of REGRESSION + more

Game of Thrones

Castle Black
Jon is back and he's confused. I think we all would be too if we came back from the dead. He didn't see anything, he can't answer Melisandre's inquiries about the afterlife, but after a "fuck it all" pep talk from Davos he goes out to confront everyone. He's approached by Tormund first who throws in an always welcomed dick joke, then has a sweet moment with Edd that was reminiscent of his hug with Robb way back in the Pilot before he left for Castle Black. At the end of the episode, he hangs Alister (who goes out a smug asshole) two other randoms and Olly, who doesn't say a word. I was hoping Ghost would get the honors of killing Olly, but at least he's gone. The camera lingering on their hung bodies was very disturbing. 

Braavos
Arya is still getting her ass beat, but after the Waif quizzes her on her entire family and motives (Catelyn mention!) Arya gets her stick up in time to defend herself and Jaquen gives her sight back after her Westeroesi Rocky training montage. 

On the boat to Oldtown
We see Sam and Gilly for the first time this season. Little Sam FINALLY AGED!! Sam tells Gilly he's taking her to Horn Hill to his family as women are not allowed in the Citadel. She argues at first, but then accepts it. When Sam said he'd feel better if she threw something at him, she says "I'd never do that to the father of my son." Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Bloodraven's Cave
This week's vision is the much anticipated Tower of Joy....which got split into two parts because D&D love to milk shit, apparently. That was annoying, but it didn't take away from how incredibly awesome this sword fight was. We see young Ned Stark and Howland Reed fight the legendary Arthur Dayne and his fellow Kingsguard, and we learn that Ned wasn't always that honorable. Dayne was about to kill him when Howland stabbed him in the back. Bran calls out to his father who turns at this voice, seemingly hearing him, Then Bloodraven pulls him out of his dream. Bran yells at him for doing this and says he doesn't want to be like him in a tree. Bloodraven says he won't be, but he most learn everything before he leaves. I thought it was very realistic to have Bran grow frustrated with his teaching. I'm looking forward to finishing this dream.

Meereen
Varys intimidates the woman that got some of the Unsullied soldiers killed last season while Tyrion tries to engage Grey Worm and Missandei into a drinking game that they are clearly having no part of. They find out the Sons of the Harpy are funded by masters in Asapor, Yunaki, and Volantis. I liked seeing Varys in action but the rest was a bit dull.

Vaes Dothrak
Dany reads off her credentials to a Khaleesi that could not give less of a fuck. Instead she tells Dany that since she bailed for awhile before coming to Vaes Dothrak, the men will get to decide what happens to her. You can see Dany making a mental note to burn people.

King's Landing
For some reason Jaime is following Cersei around like a lost puppy and all it does is annoy the shit out of me. Can I have book 3 and on Jaime back, please? Olenna throws some Lannister shade at the small council meeting, and Qyburn meets Varys' "little birds." that was the highlight.

Winterfell
Smalljon Umber makes a memorable entrance, calling Roose Bolton a cunt (twice) throwing a pedo jibe at Karstark, then instead of kneeling to Ramsay, he offers a gift instead....Rickon Stark and Osha. When Ramsay asks how he's supposed to know that's really Rickon, the most upsetting thing in the entire episode happens...we see Shaggydog's severed head. Please let this be the last dead direwolf, I can't take this anymore. I was so sad about this I couldn't even enjoy Olly's death scene. RIP Shaggydog, bad enough you got stuck with that name. I fear for Osha and Rickon now. 

Agents of SHIELD

Because this show can never be consistent, it went from an excellent episode last week to focusing on the things that made it's first season terrible: Ward and Daisy getting all the screen time. These two cannot act and have no chemistry together. Seeing them in scene after scene was just infuriating. May actually asks the question "What is it about Daisy?" and I felt like she was speaking to me directly. What is so special about Daisy? Why is this show making her the lead when it should be Coulson? Why do the Inhumans take all the focus instead of the thing that made this show interesting in the first place? The normal people.

And don't even get me started on that incredibly cheesy Civil War mention. Tonight is the finale and I hope it's nothing like this episode.

By the way, you know there's a void left by Bobbi and Hunter when random SHIELD agents start getting speaking parts.

Veep

This week's episode didn't have as many laughs as the last two, but it was still a strong one. I felt so bad for Amy. Selena gave her no credit for anything.

Great lines:

"Can we blame another country for something we didn't do?"

"Thanks, pigfucker."

"Tell Jonah to shut the fuck up."

Random TV thoughts:

I made the mistake of watching Victor Frankenstein this weekend and I cannot believe how terrible it was. I can't remember the last time I've seen a movie that felt so poorly staged. Even the camera movements felt unnatural. They tried to incorporate slow motion shots, but apparently decided they didn't need to slow down all that much so everything just looked disjointed and weird. 
Also weird was Vacation, especially the Norman Reedus pedophile jokes. At least no horses were fucking on Silicon Valley this week. 

Rambling TV is a weekly series where I ramble semi coherently about the things I've watched on television. This week's post was brought to you by my tears because what the FUCK, Game of Thrones? Click those gifs to be redirected to their makers. 

Review: Captain America: Civil War

Don't call it Avengers 2.5

You've probably heard by now, but in case you were worried. This is not an Avengers movie. No, this is every bit a Captain America movie. His friends are just along for the ride.

Steve, (Chris Evans) Natasha, (Scarlett Johansson) Sam, (Anthony Mackie) and Wanda (Elizabeth Olsen) are on a mission in Lagos, Nigeria. When something goes horribly wrong, the United Nations throws together the Sokovia Accords, a law saying the Avengers can only act when they tell them to. Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) fresh off being guilt tripped by the mother of a man who died in Sokovia is all for it. Rhodey (Don Cheadle) and Vision (Paul Bettany) side with him too. But Cap is against it. Making matters worse, Bucky (Sebastian Stan) is being blamed for a crime he did not commit, and Steve will do anything he can to protect him. Even if that means going against the law.

My hype for this movie was insane. I love the MCU, I don't care if I hit fangirl mode about it. Not all of their movies are good, but they have way more hits than misses and Civil War may be their biggest hit of all. The Captain America movies have always been the strongest ones, and I love that they decided to do Civil War. Cap is very much at the heart of this with Bucky, Iron Man doesn't steal his thunder. I love that they had everyone talk about the accords. They actually spent a good amount of time on deciding instead of immediately splitting sides, and both sides are right, which makes everything that happens even more tragic. 

One thing Robert Downey Jr. does do is give the best acting performance of the film. Tony's always been a fairly complicated guy, but he's pushed emotionally into a place we've never seen him before. Evans is always great as Cap too. He's just a man trying to do the right thing. Newcomer Chadwick Boseman is very strong as T'Challa/Black Panther. He's perfectly stern throughout. Bucky and Sam also have wonderful banter that provides some of the best lines in the film. The two scene stealers though are easily Paul Rudd as Ant Man and Tom Holland as Spiderman. Rudd is always a gem on screen, and he's a blast during the stunning airport fight scene at the end. I've always been in the Tobey Maguire corner when it comes to Spiderman, but Holland really is the best so far. He captures the awkwardness of him perfectly, and unlike Andrew Garfield before him, he actually looks like a teenager. He actually talks so much during the airport fight that Sam has to essentially tell him to shut up.

Civil War was everything I wanted it to be and more. I wish it would've been longer, because the film flew by. If there was a downfall, it would be Sharon Carter. Her entire purpose in this film is to be Cap's love interest. They take Peggy's funeral and make it about Sharon making eyes at Cap, then everything she does after that is to service her crush on Cap. (I know their relationship is a huge comic thing, but I've always found her bland and their relationship kind of gross) But she's only in the movie for 5-10 minutes total, so I don't have to focus on that for long. It was amusing seeing several people in my audience shake their heads when they kissed though. Luckily we have the interesting blossoming romance between Vision and Wanda that gets more focus. Now they are a fascinating pair.

Recommended: Yes

Grade: Hype cannot be contained...A+

Memorable Quote: "I can't control their fear, only my own." - Wanda Maximoff (Elizabeth Olsen)

Indie Gems: Lost For Life

It's bad, but can it be fixed?

This documentary focuses on men that were handed life sentences without the possibility of parole for murders they committed while they were teenager. We hear briefly from them, where they are now, how they view their crimes. The doc's purpose is to show whether or not live without parole is an appropriate sentence for someone whose brain is still developing. We also see a few family members of victims from these type of crimes and how they feel on the subject.

I don't do nearly enough documentaries for Indie Gems. I tend to miss a lot of these myself if they're not in the Oscar buzz conversation. That's the sad truth about documentaries, they don't always get seen.

The documentary poses an interesting question, and one I can't say I agreed with prior to watching. The argument isn't whether or not they were mature enough to know the difference between right and wrong (they do) but whether or not maturing would make them okay to be in society. It's definitely a case by case thing. I think if a teenager murders someone, a few years in age doesn't make a big difference. It's like when Jim Bob Duggar tried to argue that his son wasn't a pedophile because he touched a 5 year old when he was 15 and not 16 like the definition states.

Of the subjects the documentary asks us to judge, one of them, Sean is absolutely the poster child for this argument. He made a mistake, recognized it, tried to better himself and others in prison. There are a few others that were there because of abuse they suffered as children prior to them committing crimes that should probably have them in a psychiatric hospital vs federal prison, and another pair where one shows remorse, and the other acts like a sociopath with helicopter parents. It's an interesting variety.

If there's one thing that hurts this documentary, it's the length. It's barely over and hour and so much more should've been covered from both sides of the argument. I wish they would've expanded.

Grade: B

Memorable Quote: "You owe her a tremendous debt." 

Thursday Movie Picks: Androids/Cyborgs

This week's theme from Wandering Through The Shelves is movies with androids/cyborgs. These type of films haven't always been my thing. There's quite a few big ones I haven't seen, but here are a few that I like. 

1) The Terminator Series

I couldn't not go with the most popular Cyborg in the cinematic universe. I've been meaning to rewatch these films for awhile. Maybe I will be the time this is posted. 

2) Bicentennial Man

I loved this movie when I was a kid. A robot saying something "chaps her ass" never gets old to me. I think Andrew Martin might be the sweetest android in film.

3) Ex Machina 

This counts, right? She's essentially an android? Either way, Ex Machina is one of my favorite films from last year. Ava, is so life like if it were for her appearance she'd easily pass that Turing test. 

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Review: Green Room

What's your desert island band?

A punk rock band consisting of Pat, Reece, Sam, and Tiger (Anton Yelchin, Joe Cole, Alia Shawkat, and Callum Turner) have a gig go south and not enough money to afford gas to get back home. They reluctantly take another gig at a skinhead bar. After their set is over, they're about to leave when they accidentally witness a murder. Now the skinheads aren't letting them leave. They barricade themselves in a room with Amber, (Imogen Poots) another person who witnessed the murder while the owner of the bar Darcy (Patrick Stewart) attempts to solve the problem. Things obviously get violent.

I remember when this premiered on the festival circuit, and I saw "Patrick Stewart in a punk rock neo Nazi movie" and I was completely sold just because it's so different from what I'm used to seeing him in. He's not in it a lot, but his cunning presence is felt every time he's on screen. It's Yelchin and Poots who do the bulk of the heavy lifting acting wise. As does Macon Blair, who was in director Jeremy Saulnier's other wonderful feature Blue Ruin. 

The atmosphere in this film is dirty and dangerous. It's very gory, but every kill happens so fast that the film doesn't spend much time dwelling on the details. We're sparred endless scenes of people bleeding out, but man is it gross in the best way possible. That pace does have its downfalls, you barely feel the weight of the deaths on the lead character because there's just no time.

My only other issue may have been singular to my theater, the projector bulb could've been going out, but this film was so dark it was kind of hard to see at times. I actually got up and moved closer to the screen about 15 minutes in. Brutal and intense, this film may not be what you were expecting, but it definitely deserves to be seen.

Recommended: Yes

Grade: A-

Memorable Quote: "It's funny, you're so much scarier in the dark." - Pat (Anton Yelchin)

Rambling TV: Congrats on the sex, FitzSimmons, Wun Wun Smash + more

Game of Thrones
This week's episode was nearly perfect. 

Braavos
Poor Arya is still getting her ass kicked by the Waif, though this time Jaquen shows up and takes her back to the House of Black and White, so at least things would be looking up for Arya if she could actually see anything.

King's Landing
We open with a random peasant talking about Cersei's walk of shame and greatly exaggerating her looking at his dick when he exposed it to her. When he's off having a piss later, Robert Strong shows up and literally smashes his head against a wall. It happens so quickly and nonchalantly all I could do was laugh.

Tommen has also barred Cersei from attending Myrcella's funeral. He thinks she's responsible for Tyrstane's death too. Jaime tells him to go to her, then he has a few words with the High Sparrow. Cersei is finally drinking again, so when Tommen goes to her for help all I can do is silently cheer that crazy Cersei is coming back.

Meereen
Tyrion schools Missandei and Grey Worm on a bit of dragon history and says they can't keep Viserion and Rhaegal chained up. He and Varys go down to their dungeon, and Tyrion talks to the dragons and unlatches their chains. I liked the story he told them about when he was a child and wanted a dragon. It was nearly word for word from the book, but I'm not feeling Tyrion being the dragon whisperer. There's two theories surrounding Tyrion on the ASOIAF fandom that I never liked, 1) That he'll be a dragon rider and 2) that he could be a secret Targaryen. I hate both, and this scene made it seem like the former might be a possibility.

Beyond the Wall
We finally see Bran again! He's having a vision with Bloodraven and he's back in Winterfell seeing his father sparring with his siblings when they were children. he even sees Hodor, whose name is actually Willis, and he speaks. (His name is Walder in the books, but studios think most of the general audience is dumb so we can't have two Walders on the show) Bloodraven pulls him out of this vision even though he wanted to stay longer. He asks Hodor why he doesn't talk anymore, to which of course he doesn't get an answer. Meera is also outside the cave brooding. Can't say I blame her. One of the children of the forest tells her Bran will eventually need her help.

Winterfell
Roose continues to throw his perfectly PA jibes at Ramsay, and we also meet the new head of House Karstark, who's on Ramsay's side. The maester comes in and says lady Walda gave birth to a son. Ramsay goes to hug Roose, and Roose replies "you'll always be my first born." Ramsay of course doesn't like that so he stabs Roose to death and tells the maester to send ravens saying Roose was poisoned by their enemies. He then leads poor lady Walda and her new born son out to his hounds' kennels where the dogs rip them apart. Thankfully that scene wasn't graphic.

The North
Brienne tells Sansa she saw Arya and Theon tells Sansa that he can't continue on to Castle Black with them as Jon will execute him, and he doesn't want to take the black because he doesn't want to be forgiven. He's going to go home to Pyke.

Pyke
Remember Theon's dad, Balon, who declared himself King way back in season 2? Of course you don't. No one gives a fuck about Balon. He argues with his daughter Yara then as he's walking across the rope bridge during a storm he runs into his brother Euron, who we're seeing for the first time. I imagine for anyone that didn't read the books this was quite confusing as Balon's brothers have never been mentioned. Either way, he threatens Balon then tosses him off the bridge to his death. I actually hate the Greyjoy stories in the books. Asha (Yara on the show) and Theon are the only two I care about, but Euron's introduction here was actually really cool. This is how Dorne should've been handled. 

Castle Black
As Throne is trying to break down the door to get to Jon's body, Edd and the Wildlings show up in the nick of time. Wun Wun grabs a Nightswatchmen that shoots him with an air and splatters him against the wall. The men stand down and Edd has Throne, Olly, and the other traitors thrown in the dungeon. Later, Davos begs Mel to try to bring back Jon Snow. While Tormund, Edd, Davos and Ghost look on, Melisandre tries but seemingly fails. When everyone but Ghost leaves the room, suddenly Jon's eyes pop open and he wakes up. I'm so glad they didn't continue to delay that. I cannot wait to see what UnJon will be like next week. 

Agents of SHIELD

Let's get the meh stuff out of the way first - 

Daisy and Ward still have zero chemistry. In fact, this entire episode made me dislike Daisy even more than I already do. It's a shame this show made her more of a lead than Coulson nowadays. We're stuck with her.

Licoln is pretty whiny, but the scene where he gets stuck with a "murder vest" (it's not a suicide vest, you're not the one who is going to be pulling the trigger!) was so twisted that I felt sorry for him.

Coulson was also super pissy in this episode and his favoritism of Daisy was too much. May attempted to put him in his place, but I doubt that did anything.

Now for the greatness - 

Mack, Fitz, and Simmons are on a mission in Bucharest to find a doctor who specializes in modifying humans that they think might be able to un-possess Daisy. The three have great chemistry together, though of course when they finally meet the doctor (and Simmons stabs someone in the eye ball with a needle) Hive and Daisy show up to fuck everything up. Daisy threatens Fitz, Hive speaking via Will tries to talk to Simmons, who shoots him in the stomach.

The end of the episode Mack and Jemma are talking about the relationship she has with Fitz and she says it's very new, to which Mack replies "no it isn't." Perfect.

Fitz gets back and he and Simmons finally have sex! My fangirl meter went through the roof. Not even gonna lie, I reround that scene and watched it again.

Okay, maybe I did that more than once. 

The ending of the episode was Hive and his collection of possessed Inhumans walking down the middle of the street (in broad daylight) with this doctor who is going on about how genetically enhanced humans just don't exist like he doesn't live in a world were Captain America, Scarlet Witch and previously Quicksilver inhabited. Though that's what's hard about AoS sometimes. You have to accept the fact that an Avenger won't show up and clean up the mess these people get themselves in at times.

Veep

Selena decided to hook up with one of her donors only for that guy to immediately go endorse her opponent after they fucked. It was so awkward watching her come on to him and then I felt bad when it was over. Gary's facial expressions were perfect during all of this though. 

Amy and Dan still make a great team, though Amy's annoying sister shows up and macks on Dan at the very end of it so poor Amy doesn't get her nightcap. 

The insults in this episode were harsh! Hilarious of course, but harsh.

Notable lines:

"Pig fucker"

"Can you go tell him to fuck a bag of glass or something?"

"I've been doing this since before your mother was throwing herself down the stairs belly first."

"Paddington Bear looking fuck."

Rambling TV is a weekly series where I ramble semi-coherently about things I watched on television. This week is brought to you by wine I chilled way too early before I went to drink it. Click those gifs to be redirected to their makers.