Review: The Witches

I smell children. 


The hero of our story (Jahzir Bruno) is a young boy who after losing his parents in a car crash goes to live with his grandmother. (Octavia Spencer) Is with her that he finds out witches exist. In an attempt to run from them, they end up at a swanky hotel where the Grand High Witch (Anne Hathaway) is hosting a convention of sorts where all witches are conspiring to turn children into mice.

Admittedly, I'm not familiar with Ronald Dahl's original story, and I didn't see the 90's version of this either. In fact, I never bothered watching the trailer either, so I went into this as blind as possible when my nine year old brought up watching it for family movie night.

So how did age nine fair with this? Well, parts scared him a little. He's too young to be distracted by bad CGI, but overall he liked it. For me, I can't imagine ever wanting to watch this again. Campy Anne Hathaway is wonderful and she's clearly having a good time. Octavia Spencer is wonderful at playing warm and loving, but I just didn't connect with the film after the mice part of the story took over. But that's okay, I know this isn't *for me*

SPOILER WARNING because I just have to bring this up - the ending is kind of morbid, right? When we find out the kids have to remain as mice. I had remarked "what's going to happen to them after the grandma dies?" To which my son replied "Well, mice can't live that long can they?" Then movie actually addresses this and the Hero kid, I shit you not, is perfectly fine with living for 9 more years and dying around the same time as his grandma. Like.....what?

Recommended: Sure, if you have HBO Max. It's already free.

Grade: C+

Memorable Quote: " witch gets the same pleasure from squishing a child as you get from eating a bowl of ice cream covered in butterscotch syrup, with whipped cream, chopped nuts and a cherry on top." - Older Hero (Chris Rock)

16 comments:

  1. Skipped over the spoiler section, but I think I'll give it a go. Sounds harmeless.

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    1. I'm curious to see if you land in the same place I do with a spoiler section lol

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    2. That's exactly the question I asked! It was otherwise fun enough, but weightless.

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    3. I thought we'd feel similar about that. lol

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  2. aww i really liked it. and i enjoyed the morbidity of it. it makes it a little darker, tho still a family film

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    1. That's true, but I guess it just wasn't for me. I was a bit perplexed.

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  3. My only interest in seeing this are Octavia Spencer and Queen Anne. The latter for just being camp as I would watch her doing stupid shit while sitting on a toilet. She's that fucking good.

    You need to see Nicolas Roeg's version starring Anjelica Huston. It is INSANE! It featured some of the work of Jim Henson and you just can't beat the practical effects it used in that film. Plus, it had a different ending that Roald Dahl didn't like but I enjoyed it. I saw it when I was a kid and it scared the fuck out of me. Especially with Anjelica Huston who should've gotten all of the awards for that performance.

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    1. My son told me again this morning that the mouthes in this one scared him. I'll have to see if I can find the earlier version.

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  4. *grimmace face emoji* to those spoilers. YIKES. That's pretty dark, especially for a kid's movie and if there's no moral lesson to be learned from it either like in some of Pixar's movies. I want to watch this for the cast but I also have no motivation to do so right now. lol Nice review!

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    1. Right? It's such a weird choice. We all kind of wtf'd at it.

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  5. I've been debating on whether to give this a look or not. Like you I never saw the 90's version and really don't know much about its story. Maaaaaaybe I'll watch it at some point.

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    1. I mean, it's fine. Especially if you're already paying for MAX, you might as well watch it eventually.

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  6. I haven't thought about watching it.. your rating doesn't inspire me either. :D

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  7. I'm curious about this one and might give it a shot at some point but your C grade made me think I shouldn't rush to see it.

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