Indie Gems: Hush


Maddie (Kate Siegel) is a deaf author who lives a solitary life. She's trying to finish her next book in her secluded mountain home. One night, a masked man (John Gallagher Jr.) shows up and starts terrorizing her in her home. 

We get to know enough of Maddie and her headspace before the man shows up to inevitably ruin everything. The film doesn't hold back on the creep factor. He cuts the power, so Maddie is literally in the dark and can't hear a thing. The atmosphere is astounding in that regard. There's so much quiet dread. 

I said this earlier when I reviewed the equally brilliant Don't Breathe, but I normally don't do home invasion movies. The buzz around this one was so strong that I started it without even seeing a trailer. Siegel (who co-wrote the film) is fantastic, and I've been a huge Gallagher fan since I watched him in the Newsroom. It's certainly a different type of role.

Scary and uncomfortable, I can't recommend this one enough.

Grade: A-

Watched on: Netflix Instant

Memorable Quote: "You've seen it now." - Man (John Gallagher Jr.)

Thursday Movie Picks: Sci Fi Horror

My four year old's new favorite phrase is "outta this world" and that's exactly what this week's Halloween theme from Wandering Through the Shelves is: science fiction horror. While I at least make an attempt to be creative each week, this time I'm going for the typical route. Remind me to watch Videodrome, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and to finish Eraserhead.

1) Alien

I'd wager this will end up on everyone's list. This is the ultimate sci fi horror film. It features one of the best female characters in cinema in the form of Ellen Ripley, and it has some very memorable and creepy moments.

2) Alien 3

This is a shock, right? You thought I'd for for Aliens. Nope. Alien 3, baby. I like this one, I know most seem to hate it. It probably helps that I've only seen the directors cut of it on blu ray. I never saw this in theaters because I was too busy being five. 

3) Alien vs Predator

I'm a sucker for these versus movies. Freddy vs Jason amused me too. My friend and I got in a huge debate while we were waiting for this movie to start over who should properly win in this fight (I voted Alien) Nobody gives a fuck about the humans in this movie, we're here for the monsters.

DVD Review: The Bronze

But I'm a star.

When Hope (Melissa Rauch) was 17, she suffered a career ending injury on the Olympic stage when she broke her ankle on the beam. She managed to pull herself through the bars routine and win the bronze medal. Since then, she still lives in her small town in Ohio where she's completely worshiped as a hero. But now she's lazy, rude, and refuses to get a job. When she finds out her former coach committed suicide and pledged to leave a hefty inheritance to her if she coaches her new prodigy, Maggie (Haley Lu Richardson) Hope decides to slack her way through that as well. But when a former rival, Lance (Sebastian Stan) berates her for her poor job, she starts actually trying to get Maggie to the Olympics. 

I know this film kind of bombed at the box office, but I like vulgar comedies so I gave it a try. Unfortunately, it suffers from a protagonist so unlikable that she isn't funny. It was the same issue I had with Eastbound and Down only ten times worse. There's no redeeming quality to Hope and her jokes aren't funny enough to make up for it. It's a shame that actors like Gary Cole, Thomas Middltdich and Cecily Strong got roped into this as well.

Rauch wrote this film with her husband, yet her performance is very bland. Richardson as the adorable Maggie is the stand out alongside Middleditch. The only part of this film that manages to be surprising is an gymnastic routine sex scene between Rauch and Stan, she used a body double, but he didn't. So you get to see his glorious ass. The sad part is, that's the highlight.

Recommended: No

Grade: F

Memorable Quote: "Stop talking, I'm thinking." - Hope (Melissa Rauch)

Review: The Accountant

....Like a CPA?

Christian Wolff is an accountant who happens to be a on the autism spectrum. Normally, I'd never use someone's illness to describe them, but it's central to the plot. He's not just a regular CPA, though. He's so good that he spends most of his time uncooking books for the world's biggest crime organizations. He takes a "normal" job and meets Dana (Anna Kendrick) but he finds both himself and Dana in danger when it turns out this job is anything but normal. The Feds are on to him (played by JK Simmons and Cynthia Addai-Robinson) and a mysterious hitman (Jon Bernthal) is as well. 

There's a lot of really interesting things that happen in this movie, unfortunately there's also about 30 minutes or so that don't need to be there, and that stops it from becoming truly great. It's not as if we're given extra development within those 30 minutes either. What we need to know about each character is sufficient enough, but the film crumbles under the layers they've tried to add.

For instance, there's two big "aha" moments in there. One of them, I figured out fairly early, and once I had that piece, I found myself a little impatient to get to the point where it all plays out since we're handed a ton of filler. The other one I completely forgot about until it happened because the film felt so long.

The performances are good, especially Ben Affleck and Addai-Robinson. JK Simmons and Bon Bernthal are fun to watch, but they've played these characters before. Anna Kendrick serves her purpose as the audiences' "wtf" mouthpiece, then disappears for about an hour. 

I should've realized something was up when this film had this magnificent cast, yet was at no festivals. It could've been a great movie with some trimming.

Recommended: Yes, for the cast.

Grade: C+

Memorable Quote: "What's what normal tax paying citizens do." - Dana (Anna Kendrick)

Rambling TV: Thoughts of Westworld, Agents of SHIELD + more


Another fascinating episode here. I was surprised to see Steven Ogg again. He also has a bit part on The Walking Dead right now, but it was worth it to watch Dolores kill him.

I liked that we learned a bit more about Bernard this week. We saw that his son died and I loved the line "this pain is all I have left of him." We also saw through Bernard that Dr. Ford might be the shadiest person in this show. (The Man in Black was absent from this episode) He talked about an old partner, Arnold. The name some of the hosts are talking about and he says he died. I'm guessing Ford killed him. (And maybe turned him into a host? Perhaps that piano player is him?)

Dolores wants to be free, but Teddy hasn't caught up to her new way of thinking yet. Elsie and Stubbs also went after a stray host (and we hilariously learn the legalities of which hosts are allowed to touch weapons) when they find him, he bashes his own head in right in front of them. Wow.

Agents of SHIELD

This episode was better because Daisy was barely in it, but it also highlighted one of the biggest problems this show has: It consistently forces its audience to ask "where the hell are the Avengers?" Even in a post Civil War world, if Inhumans caused massive blackouts across the world, Iron Man and Vision would be dispatched to take care of it. Black Panther would likely do something about it on his side too. The Netflix shows have threats that are quiet enough to where we know the Avengers wouldn't get involved, this show hasn't mastered that. I really wish they would.

Fitz got to kick some ass in this episode, I'm glad they've stopped making him so afraid to do so. That was the best part, besides May waking up and being completely pissed. 


Man, this was not funny this week. I love Emily Blunt and I was so looking forward to her hosting but I only laughed during Weekend Update. Bruno Mars put on a good show, at least. The funniest part is Donald Trump is now calling SNL part of a media conspiracy against him. I guess he missed the part where he hosted the show and they barely touched him, and how they've been making fun of Hillary Clinton weekly for well over a year now. 

Other TV thoughts

I'm actually a bit nervous for the next presidential debate on Wednesday. I'm afraid the moderator (who's from Fox News) is just going to be screaming "what about Benghazi?!?!?" the entire time. The Walking Dead comes back next week. I already know who dies, *spoiler* Abe, then Glenn *spoiler* but I'm so invested in some of the characters at this point, I can't stop no matter how shitty the show gets. Funny enough, AMC already switched episodes 2 and 3 around, probably to milk something that I'll talk about in my review a bit more. Pray for me. All I want is Carol to have nice things. 

Rambling TV is a series where I ramble semi-coherently about the things I've watched on television. Click those links to be redirected to their makers. 

Indie Gems: Clown

Happy Birthday! - your present is life long therapy.

It's Jack's (Christian Distefano) birthday and this kid for some inexplicable reason loves clowns. I didn't know such children existed but here we are, and the clown that is supposed to come to Jack's party is double booked. His mother, Meg (Laura Allen) calls her realtor husband, Kent (Andy Powers) who's closing an open house to tell him a bad news. Lucky for him, the house he's in happens to have a bunch of costumes lying around, and one of them is a clown. He puts it on for Jack, but after the party he finds that he can't take the costume off, and it's starting to possess him.

You have to except that the premise for this movie is kind of stupid (I kicked my husband out of the room after about five minutes for making fun of me) But that's what makes horror movies fun! And fun this is. Kent while possessed by a demon clown literally goes around looking for children to eat. He even ends up in a Chuck E Cheese at one point, which I like to think is a metaphor for how parents really view that place. A literal fucking nightmare.

I wasn't familiar with Powers before this. Allen, I knew from a wonderful little indie called Cherry and they're both great here. The child actors are all awful, but a few of them get eaten so it evens out. 

Recommended: Yes

Grade: B

Memorable Quote: "Jack, do you know where the bolt cutter is?" - Kent (Andy Powers)

Thursday Movie Picks: Creature Features

This week's Halloween theme from Wandering Through the Shelves is creature features. The only catch is they can't be aliens, vampires, zombies or werewolves. This was kind of tough, I love B movie horror but creature features aren't something I've dabbled in too much. These films are pretty bad, but at least they're amusing at times. 

1) Piranha 3D

No, I didn't actually see this in 3D, I believe I Netflixed it. Thousands of piranhas swarm a lake that happens to be a big spring break destination. These little bastards defy gravity at times. I never did see the original 70's movie, but this remake is actually pretty hysterical.

2) Cujo

I can't do doggie death. Old Yeller, Homeward Bound, and Benji scarred me as a child and I've never recovered. I just can't handle it....except Cujo. Cujo is the only time I watched a dog die on screen and didn't cry because this entire movie is so over the top and weird. It also helped that the effects are trash.

3) Tremors

Underground creatures wreak havoc on a small town. This movie is so fucking bad, I don't know how it ended up being a series of sorts. There's so many good actors in these films too, it just baffles me. What is it about Tremors that attracted all of these people?