Random Ramblings: Films Featuring Pro Wrestlers.
It's pretty obvious that I'm in love with movies. I'm intrigued by everything about them, but one other thing I've loved for a long time is Pro Wrestling. I've been a fan since about 1994. I mostly watched WWF, but I lived near a video store that had all the old videos so I could see what was going on before my time. Wrestling has drastically changed since I first watched it. I got used to the Hulkamania days, then when I got a bit older the 'Attitude Era' as it's known to fans started. This was truly the best time in wrestling. Nowadays WWE pushes the PG product while it's competitor TNA is trying to bring it back. I appreciate everything about wrestling, the stuff those guys and gals put their body through is ridiculous and their schedules are insane. They really are the best athletes out there, because there at it all year round. While I spend a good deal of my time poking fun at Raw (mostly at http://www.thejohnreport.net) and admiring what I see on Smackdown, my two favorite things don't always mix well. I'm talking about Wrestlers in films. Wrestlers do alot of acting in the ring and in their promos. Some are naturals. For example, The Rock gives the best promos of all time and Chris Jericho is right up there with him. Some wrestlers are perfect fits on the big screen, others are not so lucky. They're out of their comfort zone, it's not their fault. I'm going to list a few films I've seen with wrestlers in them, whether it's a lead, supporting or even a cameo. Grade the flick its self. Then say a bit about them.
Let's start with the most recognizable wrestler turned actor: Dwayne "I refuse to call you anything about The Rock" Johnson.
Get Smart Grade: C. This movie had a great cast (Steve Carrell, Anne Hathaway, Alan Arkin) based on a popular TV series it had my hopes way up, but bad directly and lame script brought them down.
The Game Plan Grade: B. I took my niece to this expecting to cringe and I actually felt sort of uplifted by the end of it. It was cute.
Doom Grade: B. It gets a higher grade for The Rock saying "Semper Fi, Mother Fucker" alone. Decent for a movie based on a video game. Definitely better than 'Mortal Kombat'.
Be Cool Grade: C-. The Rock took a bit of a stretch here playing a flamboyant wannabe actor in this sequel to 'Get Shorty'. However the cast was overcrowded and the plot was all over the place. It's hard for anyone to stand out in this busy flick.
Walking Tall Grade: B+ I never saw the original (or the straight to DVD sequels starring someone else) but I actually really enjoyed this movie. When I first saw it, I had mono and I actually fell asleep, woke up about 45 mins later and still managed to enjoy it. (don't worry, i re-watched what I missed) The Rock is good in these action roles, much better than the Disney kiddie stuff we've been seeing lately.
The Rundown Grade: B+. Another good action film for The Rock, extra points are given due to the fact that Seann William Scott looks ridiculously good sans shirt.
The Scorpion King Grade: D. My dad and I went to this because The Rock was my favorite wrestler and I just had to see him even though we both hated 'The Mummy' movies. He made me apologize when it was over.
Stone Cold Steve Austin
The Condemned Grade: F. I'm sure this seemed really macho on paper, but the finished product was one of the worst movies I've ever seen. It's not Austin's fault at all, he was the best actor in the movie!
The Longest Yard Grade: C+. A lot of people hated this, I actually enjoyed it. Adam Sandler makes me laugh for the most part. Austin's part was small, but he was believable as a racist prison guard.
John Cena
The Marine Grade: F. I might be bias, because I'm not a John Cena fan at all. (and I wont be until he turns heel or starts being interesting) I don't remember why I even agreed to see this, but what sticks out in my mind the most was during the scene where The guy is yelling at someone on his phone, and it turns out to be his cable provider, a good portion of the audience got up and left. Funniest part of the film. Cena's got charisma, but he doesn't show a lot of it here.
Christian
Shoot 'Em Up Grade: B-. This film wasn't meant to be a comedy, but I thought it was hilarious. Christian only had a cameo as a prison guard, but he's one of my favorite wrestlers and he's got tons of talent. He could carry an entire film. If this movie teaches us anything, it's that we can do simple tasks such as running, walking, talking, eating, fucking, and carrying a baby, all while shooting at people. You stay classy, Michael Davis.
Edge
Highlander: Endgame Grade: C. He was in the film for roughly 45 seconds, nothing really memorable but Edge is awesome and the Highlander theme song is catchy.
'Rowdy' Roddy Piper.
They Live Grade: B. I love campy Horror/Sci Fi crap. This isn't a critically acclaimed film and it wasn't meant to be. It's just fun to watch.
Last to Surrender Grade: D. Roddy Piper in a badly directed kung fu movie. Enough said.
Jerry 'The King' Lawler
Man on the Moon Grade: A. Ok, so technically he was playing himself, but I'm lacking A rated films on my list. Lawler played a big part in Kaufman's life. This was just all around a good film. Great performances by all.
Kane
See No Evil Grade: D- The only reason I don't give it an F was because I was legitimately surprised that the horrible marketing campaign actually had some significance. (May 19th, the film's initial release date) May 19th was actually the air date when Kane originally found out that The Undertaker was his brother and that Paul Bearer was his father. Well done, I wonder if the writers thought of that themselves or if some internet journalist pointed it out first. Other than that the film wasn't scary and you come out feeling dirty if anything.
Triple H
Blade: Trinity Grade: C+. HHH was legit creepy in this film. Although it was the worst of the Blade films, I give it a + for 1) Ryan Reynolds has his shirt off. and 2) It provides for the following picture. How Twlight should've ended.
I thought it was funny.
Andre The Giant
The Princess Bride Grade: A. Here's a fun fact, I actually can't stand this movie. But, I appreciate it. It's well acted, directed, shot. It's endearing, it teaches lessons. It's got Andre the Giant! I can suck up my own personal taste to admire a classic.
Hulk Hogan
3 Ninjas: High Noon and Mega Mountain Grade: D. My 9 year old self probably liked it, my adult self is embarrassed. I do remember a few kids I knew didn't know who Hulk Hogan was. That was surprising to me. Didn't ever kid know about wrestling?
Mr. Nanny Grade: F. Seriously, who the hell came up with this? Director Michael Gottlieb's only other major feature was 'A Kid in King Arthur's Court' if that tells you anything.
Vladimir Koslov
The 25th Hour Grade: A. Did you know Vladimir "I have no charisma" Koslov has a cameo in this as a mobster? I didn't either until about a week ago. Still, props go to him for picking this as extra work. I love this film. The cast, the way it was shot. Everything! This is damn good film making.
Bam Bam Bigelow
Major Payne Grade: B-. The Waynes Bros are like my guilty pleasure. Well, this film, Scary Movie 1 and 2 and White Chicks anyways. I still laugh at the sight of Bigelow in this movie. Perhaps I shouldn't be admitting this?
Kevin Nash
The Punisher Grade: D. This is one of the worst Marvel films they've made. Nash's part was more of a cameo, but I forgive him for his next cameo in this film...
Grandma's Boy Grade: B. He was just a mover in this film, he's in one scene. Still, 'Grandma's Boy' was unexpectedly hilarious.
The Big Show
The Waterboy Grade: B-. He had a cameo as a wrestler on TV that makes fun of Bobby. (Adam Sandler) I'm a sucker for Sandler films. A lot of people got annoyed with Sandler's accent in the film, I didn't. Captain Insano shows no mercy.
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That was fun. I love to talk about movies, but I love to talk about wrestling too. I'm getting psyched for Wrestlemania. Thanks for reading.
Let's start with the most recognizable wrestler turned actor: Dwayne "I refuse to call you anything about The Rock" Johnson.
Get Smart Grade: C. This movie had a great cast (Steve Carrell, Anne Hathaway, Alan Arkin) based on a popular TV series it had my hopes way up, but bad directly and lame script brought them down.
The Game Plan Grade: B. I took my niece to this expecting to cringe and I actually felt sort of uplifted by the end of it. It was cute.
Doom Grade: B. It gets a higher grade for The Rock saying "Semper Fi, Mother Fucker" alone. Decent for a movie based on a video game. Definitely better than 'Mortal Kombat'.
Be Cool Grade: C-. The Rock took a bit of a stretch here playing a flamboyant wannabe actor in this sequel to 'Get Shorty'. However the cast was overcrowded and the plot was all over the place. It's hard for anyone to stand out in this busy flick.
Walking Tall Grade: B+ I never saw the original (or the straight to DVD sequels starring someone else) but I actually really enjoyed this movie. When I first saw it, I had mono and I actually fell asleep, woke up about 45 mins later and still managed to enjoy it. (don't worry, i re-watched what I missed) The Rock is good in these action roles, much better than the Disney kiddie stuff we've been seeing lately.
The Rundown Grade: B+. Another good action film for The Rock, extra points are given due to the fact that Seann William Scott looks ridiculously good sans shirt.
The Scorpion King Grade: D. My dad and I went to this because The Rock was my favorite wrestler and I just had to see him even though we both hated 'The Mummy' movies. He made me apologize when it was over.
Stone Cold Steve Austin
The Condemned Grade: F. I'm sure this seemed really macho on paper, but the finished product was one of the worst movies I've ever seen. It's not Austin's fault at all, he was the best actor in the movie!
The Longest Yard Grade: C+. A lot of people hated this, I actually enjoyed it. Adam Sandler makes me laugh for the most part. Austin's part was small, but he was believable as a racist prison guard.
John Cena
The Marine Grade: F. I might be bias, because I'm not a John Cena fan at all. (and I wont be until he turns heel or starts being interesting) I don't remember why I even agreed to see this, but what sticks out in my mind the most was during the scene where The guy is yelling at someone on his phone, and it turns out to be his cable provider, a good portion of the audience got up and left. Funniest part of the film. Cena's got charisma, but he doesn't show a lot of it here.
Christian
Shoot 'Em Up Grade: B-. This film wasn't meant to be a comedy, but I thought it was hilarious. Christian only had a cameo as a prison guard, but he's one of my favorite wrestlers and he's got tons of talent. He could carry an entire film. If this movie teaches us anything, it's that we can do simple tasks such as running, walking, talking, eating, fucking, and carrying a baby, all while shooting at people. You stay classy, Michael Davis.
Edge
Highlander: Endgame Grade: C. He was in the film for roughly 45 seconds, nothing really memorable but Edge is awesome and the Highlander theme song is catchy.
'Rowdy' Roddy Piper.
They Live Grade: B. I love campy Horror/Sci Fi crap. This isn't a critically acclaimed film and it wasn't meant to be. It's just fun to watch.
Last to Surrender Grade: D. Roddy Piper in a badly directed kung fu movie. Enough said.
Jerry 'The King' Lawler
Man on the Moon Grade: A. Ok, so technically he was playing himself, but I'm lacking A rated films on my list. Lawler played a big part in Kaufman's life. This was just all around a good film. Great performances by all.
Kane
See No Evil Grade: D- The only reason I don't give it an F was because I was legitimately surprised that the horrible marketing campaign actually had some significance. (May 19th, the film's initial release date) May 19th was actually the air date when Kane originally found out that The Undertaker was his brother and that Paul Bearer was his father. Well done, I wonder if the writers thought of that themselves or if some internet journalist pointed it out first. Other than that the film wasn't scary and you come out feeling dirty if anything.
Triple H
Blade: Trinity Grade: C+. HHH was legit creepy in this film. Although it was the worst of the Blade films, I give it a + for 1) Ryan Reynolds has his shirt off. and 2) It provides for the following picture. How Twlight should've ended.
I thought it was funny.
Andre The Giant
The Princess Bride Grade: A. Here's a fun fact, I actually can't stand this movie. But, I appreciate it. It's well acted, directed, shot. It's endearing, it teaches lessons. It's got Andre the Giant! I can suck up my own personal taste to admire a classic.
Hulk Hogan
3 Ninjas: High Noon and Mega Mountain Grade: D. My 9 year old self probably liked it, my adult self is embarrassed. I do remember a few kids I knew didn't know who Hulk Hogan was. That was surprising to me. Didn't ever kid know about wrestling?
Mr. Nanny Grade: F. Seriously, who the hell came up with this? Director Michael Gottlieb's only other major feature was 'A Kid in King Arthur's Court' if that tells you anything.
Vladimir Koslov
The 25th Hour Grade: A. Did you know Vladimir "I have no charisma" Koslov has a cameo in this as a mobster? I didn't either until about a week ago. Still, props go to him for picking this as extra work. I love this film. The cast, the way it was shot. Everything! This is damn good film making.
Bam Bam Bigelow
Major Payne Grade: B-. The Waynes Bros are like my guilty pleasure. Well, this film, Scary Movie 1 and 2 and White Chicks anyways. I still laugh at the sight of Bigelow in this movie. Perhaps I shouldn't be admitting this?
Kevin Nash
The Punisher Grade: D. This is one of the worst Marvel films they've made. Nash's part was more of a cameo, but I forgive him for his next cameo in this film...
Grandma's Boy Grade: B. He was just a mover in this film, he's in one scene. Still, 'Grandma's Boy' was unexpectedly hilarious.
The Big Show
The Waterboy Grade: B-. He had a cameo as a wrestler on TV that makes fun of Bobby. (Adam Sandler) I'm a sucker for Sandler films. A lot of people got annoyed with Sandler's accent in the film, I didn't. Captain Insano shows no mercy.
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That was fun. I love to talk about movies, but I love to talk about wrestling too. I'm getting psyched for Wrestlemania. Thanks for reading.
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