I'm a big fat quitter.

Over the past few weeks, there's been a few movies that I've started watching, and actually got up and left/fell asleep/had to turn them off because they were so stupid/hit fast forward. Since I can't justly review them for these reasons, here's a quick post on the things I've bitched out on over the past month or so.

Knights of Badassdom:
This movie was fucking horrible. Ryan Kwanten and Peter Dinklage couldn't save it. The thing is, I was this movie's target demo. I like campy horror movies and I find LARP amusing, and I STILL hated it.

Ride Along:
Kevin Hart is hilarious. Too bad this movie wasn't. 

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug:
Smaug doesn't actually appear in this movie until 5 hours in. Okay, that's a little extreme, but holy fuck this movie dragged. Why do the Hobbit movies suck so much? The Lord of the Rings movies were so good? Oh, that's right, because Peter Jackson is dragging a 300 page book through 12 hours of film.

The Monuments Men:
How does a movie with this stellar of a cast end up being so....bland?

I Escaped A Cult:
Sounds interesting, right? This 40 minute documentary on Netflix was edited so badly that I had to turn it off after 20. They literally cut away after EVERY sentence the interviewers said. Plus the dramatic music was enough to make me wish a little more effort was put into this, because it's an interesting subject.




22 comments:

  1. I still haven't seen Monuments Men. And it has Clooney and Jean. But damn, it looks so boring. The Hobbit movies are such a bore, not even Lee Pace could save it. CGI kinda sucks in those too and I still don't know which dwarf is which.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is SO boring. I can clearly see why they pushed the theatrical release back so this didn't debut during awards season.

      Delete
  2. I have to be really awake in order to watch Monuments Men. I saw a couple of minutes of the movie, and my attention immediately waned (partly because I was on a plane, and it was a very early flight). I'd still like to see it though, despite its bad reviews.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not worth it, but if you do finish it, just don't get comfortable or else you'll probably fall asleep. lol

      Delete
  3. I did watch Knights and liked it. I too am the target.. I play DnD.. I don't do larping but everything else was up my alley. Yes it was a terrible film... but it was fun. We just sat here and laughed at it. Honestly to me it was similar to Sharknado. Which is also a terrible film but hilarious to watch. We just didn't take it serious and well.. maybe alcohol had something to do with it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sharknado was hilarious, but I think it's because I expected it to be awful. Knights of Badassdom I actually expected to like.

      Delete
  4. Hey, I liked The Desolation of Smaug. I thought they did a really good job and I know they added in a lot of new stuff but I thought they did a good job fleshing out the world of the story. I mean in I've heard a lot of people complain about how Legolass was added into the movie but the only reason he wasn't in the book was because Tolkien hadn't created the character yet, and how dare they give names and personality to supporting characters who had none in the book.

    That said, I've had a few experiences like that. The big one I've talked about a lot is Tarkovsky's Solaris. That was a movie that dragged on way too much. Everybody insists it's the best version but when I saw it I ended up shutting it off after about thirty minutes because I got fed up with seeing a bunch of men sitting in a room talking about this alien planet and actually wanted to see it. I later tried it again but the scenes just kept dragging on longer than they needed to and there were a few that just didn't need to be there at all (what was up with that 15 minute montage of tracking POV shots of random cars on roads, it added nothing to the story). Even worse, I actually did a comparison of both that and the Clooney version. The Tarkovsky version takes a full hour to actually get to the plot of the movie, the Clooney version is able to give you all the information you need and set thins up in five minutes.

    I also had that happen back at the Hot Docs screenings. The first two I saw were great, but I ended up walking out partway through most of the others because they got frustrating.

    I did recently see Tombstone and felt tempted to do stop partway through that one as well. Somehow I finished it but... I'm not even sure how but I somehow got completely lost in that film.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, I think this is the longest comment I've ever gotten on my blog! Thanks for taking the time to write it. I think Jackson adding Legolas was probably one of the better moves he made. Without familiar faces, it would be 10x worse.

      Delete
  5. LOL Yeah The Monuments Men doesn't get any better. It's pretty bad. And I actually liked Desolation of Smaug a lot. But I know it is SO hard to watch a movie that you're just not feeling.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Monuments Men is so disappointing. No wonder they pushed that back to a January release.

      Delete
  6. Ha ha, this is awesome. I have an insane tolerance for bullshit, only because it gives me so much to bitch about. That said, I totally feel you on this one.

    F--king Smaug! That scaly asshole. I can't bring myself to even watch the second one as the first one made me want to stab my eyes out with a Legolas action figure.

    And Ride Along? A friend of mine, while we were driving to work, refused to admit that that movie was anything less than hilarious. I actually wondered what would be less painful, the road at 65 mph, or listening to that jerk-off ramble about that shitty-ass movie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See, I LOVE tearing shit apart too, but even that couldn't motivate me through these. That rarely happens, I usually can keep going for the snark alone.

      Delete
  7. I agree -- the Hobbit movies don't measure up to LotR. I think it was a bit hubristic of Jackson to think he could squeeze three stellar movies out of one book.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I finished 'Monuments Men' b/c I saw it in the theater. It started out good, but it lost me somewhere in the middle. I give it one big fat "Ok."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I would've forced myself through it in the theater too, but I'm glad I could just fall asleep instead. ha

      Delete
  9. I told myself earlier this year that I would eventually watch The Monuments Men for the sole purpose of shitting on something Clooney poured himself into.

    Eventually.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL. You might fall asleep though. It's SO boring.

      Delete
  10. I forced myself through The Monuments Men because like many others, I was at the cinema at the time and I refuse to leave once I've paid! That was one of those most boring films I've ever sat through. Not even George Clooney could save it for me!
    - Allie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I almost went to this in cinema a few different times, then I talked myself out of it. I'm glad I skipped it there. I did the same for The Artist and Inside Lewlyn Davis and I ended up hating those as well.

      Delete
  11. Haha, I actually liked The Desolation of Smaug, and I didn't mind The Monuments Men, even if it was disappointing. I've no desire to watch those other films, though. :)

    ReplyDelete

If you're reading this sentence you should probably leave a comment.