Outside of Meereen, Missandei is giving Grey Worm an English lesson, but this sweet scene is interrupted by Dany and Ser Barriston, who have looks on their faces that suggest they caught them scissoring or something. (What, Grey Worm doesn't have his man parts anymore) It's time.
Grey Worm and some of his Unsullied disguise themselves as slaves and sneak through Meereen's sewers. They have a hell of an easier time than Jorah and Barriston did, they had to walk through shit up to their necks in the book. They rally the slaves, give them weapons, and let them kill the masters. Barriston attempts to give Dany some good advice about answering justice with mercy, she says she will "answer justice with justice" and promply crucifies all the masters in place of the children. She's a bad bitch, and we get this awesome visual of the Targaryen banner hanging off Meereen's pyramid. - by the way, has anyone seen her dragons?
Bronn literally pimp slaps Jaime with his own hand during their practice fights, then gives him shit for not visiting Tyrion. He eventually does, and decides for himself that Tyrion (and Sansa) didn't kill Joffrey.
Littlefinger explains to Sansa that the poison was in her necklace, and that he had a part in killing Joffrey. She's fucking baffled because the Lannisters gave him so much. "If they don't know who you are, or what you want, they can't know what you plan to do next." - he tells her. He ends their conversation by (surprise!) hardcore perving on Sansa.
Speaking of perving, the scene cuts to Littlefinger's accomplice, Lady Ollenna telling Margaery about how she fucked her former husband the night before he was supposed to marry her sister. (I LOVED the transition to this scene by the way. Littlefinger says their friend ship "grows strong" and those are the words of House Tyrell.) She tells Margaery she needs to get Tommen on her side before Cersei brain washes him.
Cersei is with her favorite company, wine, when Jaime comes in. She bitches at him for only having one guard outside Tommen's door, then asks him why Lady Catelyn let him go. He tells her about his pact to free Sansa, and Cersei asks for Sansa's head. Jaime refuses to go along with this, so she dismisses him.
Margaery takes a page from Littlefinger's perving book and shows up in Tommen's room at night to talk about the little "secrets" they will share as man and wife. Tommen has a cat named Ser Pounce, which as a book reader made me LOL because I was afraid they'd lose the cat story line now that they aged him up. Couldn't they have done this in the daylight to make Margaery seem less like Mary Kay Letourneau?
Now for my favorite part of Oathkeeper - Jaime and Brienne! Brienne is reading from the Lord Commanders book when Jaime shows her his new swords, and gives it to her. It was reforged from Ned Stark's sword, so she will use his steel to defend his daughter. Jaime wants her to go after Sansa and keep her save. He also gifts her beautiful custom armor, and says "I hope I got your measurements right." (aw!) Brienne is choked up. She says she'll find Sansa for Lady Catelyn, and for him.
He also gifts her Pod, which she's not thrilled with, but eventually accepts because Podrick is fucking awesome. Bronn gives him Tyrion's ax from The Blackwater. There was a quick background scene of Pod bending down to help Brienne on her horse that I really wish they would've focused on, because that would've been hilarious. Jaime asks Brienne what she's going to name the sword, and she says Oathkeeper. Obviously that hits Jaime hard. (He named it in the book) As she rides away, the glances they give each other speak volumes. Jaime ultimately chose Brienne over Cersei. (She wanted Sansa dead, remember.) This is a big step for him.
Alright, let's get to The Wall. Earlier we saw Jon Snow sparring (remarkably well for a person who took three arrows to this body) and Thorne, trying to put him in his place. He meets Locke, who must have hauled ass from the Dreadfort because he's now at The Wall, set to kill Bran and Rickon like Bolton told him to.
Janos Slynt suggests that Thorne let Jon go to Craster's in hopes that he dies. Jon makes a lovely speech and rallys a few men to go with him. Pyp doesn't stand up, that fucking pussy.
We then go to Craster's and see Karl (I had to go to HBO's wiki to find his name) drinking out of Mormont's skull. There was tons of rape going on, which was way worse than last week, btw. Seriously show, I know this is the middle ages but enough fucking rape! Gah. Plus they have Ghost in a cage, which pissed me off even more because I'm way to over protective of the direwolves on this show. They offer up another baby, and Bran and Co overhear it crying in the woods. They go to Craster's, Meera sees the rapiness going on and smartly says they should bail, but Bran's not leaving without Summer, who got caught in a trap while he warged into her. Then they are captured. They tie up Hodor..NO ONE FUCKING TIES UP HODOR!! And they creep on Meera until Jojen has a seizure and Bran finally says his name. They know they have Jon Snow's brother now.
how is this baby still alive?
Then, in something right out of a sci fi movie, we see what the Others are actually doing with these babies...bringing them to a little shrine and turning them into White Walkers themselves. What. The. Fuck. GRRM has never addressed what they do with the babies in the books (not that I remember, anyways)
Teach me how to Duggar:
NOTHING happened on 19 Kids and Counting this week. Seriously, nothing. Why am I watching this?
Best one liners from Veep:
"I'm going to find some air, then throw up in it."
"I'm balls deep in this omelet right now, so.."
"Go fuck yourself...that is the opposite of what I meant to say."
"I'm taking it harder now, Gary!"
"You're walking around here like you're C3PO with a giant, brass, shiny erection."
"I think I just had a money-gasm"