Rambling TV: Congrats on the sex, FitzSimmons, Wun Wun Smash + more

Game of Thrones
This week's episode was nearly perfect. 

Braavos
Poor Arya is still getting her ass kicked by the Waif, though this time Jaquen shows up and takes her back to the House of Black and White, so at least things would be looking up for Arya if she could actually see anything.

King's Landing
We open with a random peasant talking about Cersei's walk of shame and greatly exaggerating her looking at his dick when he exposed it to her. When he's off having a piss later, Robert Strong shows up and literally smashes his head against a wall. It happens so quickly and nonchalantly all I could do was laugh.

Tommen has also barred Cersei from attending Myrcella's funeral. He thinks she's responsible for Tyrstane's death too. Jaime tells him to go to her, then he has a few words with the High Sparrow. Cersei is finally drinking again, so when Tommen goes to her for help all I can do is silently cheer that crazy Cersei is coming back.

Meereen
Tyrion schools Missandei and Grey Worm on a bit of dragon history and says they can't keep Viserion and Rhaegal chained up. He and Varys go down to their dungeon, and Tyrion talks to the dragons and unlatches their chains. I liked the story he told them about when he was a child and wanted a dragon. It was nearly word for word from the book, but I'm not feeling Tyrion being the dragon whisperer. There's two theories surrounding Tyrion on the ASOIAF fandom that I never liked, 1) That he'll be a dragon rider and 2) that he could be a secret Targaryen. I hate both, and this scene made it seem like the former might be a possibility.

Beyond the Wall
We finally see Bran again! He's having a vision with Bloodraven and he's back in Winterfell seeing his father sparring with his siblings when they were children. he even sees Hodor, whose name is actually Willis, and he speaks. (His name is Walder in the books, but studios think most of the general audience is dumb so we can't have two Walders on the show) Bloodraven pulls him out of this vision even though he wanted to stay longer. He asks Hodor why he doesn't talk anymore, to which of course he doesn't get an answer. Meera is also outside the cave brooding. Can't say I blame her. One of the children of the forest tells her Bran will eventually need her help.

Winterfell
Roose continues to throw his perfectly PA jibes at Ramsay, and we also meet the new head of House Karstark, who's on Ramsay's side. The maester comes in and says lady Walda gave birth to a son. Ramsay goes to hug Roose, and Roose replies "you'll always be my first born." Ramsay of course doesn't like that so he stabs Roose to death and tells the maester to send ravens saying Roose was poisoned by their enemies. He then leads poor lady Walda and her new born son out to his hounds' kennels where the dogs rip them apart. Thankfully that scene wasn't graphic.

The North
Brienne tells Sansa she saw Arya and Theon tells Sansa that he can't continue on to Castle Black with them as Jon will execute him, and he doesn't want to take the black because he doesn't want to be forgiven. He's going to go home to Pyke.

Pyke
Remember Theon's dad, Balon, who declared himself King way back in season 2? Of course you don't. No one gives a fuck about Balon. He argues with his daughter Yara then as he's walking across the rope bridge during a storm he runs into his brother Euron, who we're seeing for the first time. I imagine for anyone that didn't read the books this was quite confusing as Balon's brothers have never been mentioned. Either way, he threatens Balon then tosses him off the bridge to his death. I actually hate the Greyjoy stories in the books. Asha (Yara on the show) and Theon are the only two I care about, but Euron's introduction here was actually really cool. This is how Dorne should've been handled. 

Castle Black
As Throne is trying to break down the door to get to Jon's body, Edd and the Wildlings show up in the nick of time. Wun Wun grabs a Nightswatchmen that shoots him with an air and splatters him against the wall. The men stand down and Edd has Throne, Olly, and the other traitors thrown in the dungeon. Later, Davos begs Mel to try to bring back Jon Snow. While Tormund, Edd, Davos and Ghost look on, Melisandre tries but seemingly fails. When everyone but Ghost leaves the room, suddenly Jon's eyes pop open and he wakes up. I'm so glad they didn't continue to delay that. I cannot wait to see what UnJon will be like next week. 

Agents of SHIELD

Let's get the meh stuff out of the way first - 

Daisy and Ward still have zero chemistry. In fact, this entire episode made me dislike Daisy even more than I already do. It's a shame this show made her more of a lead than Coulson nowadays. We're stuck with her.

Licoln is pretty whiny, but the scene where he gets stuck with a "murder vest" (it's not a suicide vest, you're not the one who is going to be pulling the trigger!) was so twisted that I felt sorry for him.

Coulson was also super pissy in this episode and his favoritism of Daisy was too much. May attempted to put him in his place, but I doubt that did anything.

Now for the greatness - 

Mack, Fitz, and Simmons are on a mission in Bucharest to find a doctor who specializes in modifying humans that they think might be able to un-possess Daisy. The three have great chemistry together, though of course when they finally meet the doctor (and Simmons stabs someone in the eye ball with a needle) Hive and Daisy show up to fuck everything up. Daisy threatens Fitz, Hive speaking via Will tries to talk to Simmons, who shoots him in the stomach.

The end of the episode Mack and Jemma are talking about the relationship she has with Fitz and she says it's very new, to which Mack replies "no it isn't." Perfect.

Fitz gets back and he and Simmons finally have sex! My fangirl meter went through the roof. Not even gonna lie, I reround that scene and watched it again.

Okay, maybe I did that more than once. 

The ending of the episode was Hive and his collection of possessed Inhumans walking down the middle of the street (in broad daylight) with this doctor who is going on about how genetically enhanced humans just don't exist like he doesn't live in a world were Captain America, Scarlet Witch and previously Quicksilver inhabited. Though that's what's hard about AoS sometimes. You have to accept the fact that an Avenger won't show up and clean up the mess these people get themselves in at times.

Veep

Selena decided to hook up with one of her donors only for that guy to immediately go endorse her opponent after they fucked. It was so awkward watching her come on to him and then I felt bad when it was over. Gary's facial expressions were perfect during all of this though. 

Amy and Dan still make a great team, though Amy's annoying sister shows up and macks on Dan at the very end of it so poor Amy doesn't get her nightcap. 

The insults in this episode were harsh! Hilarious of course, but harsh.

Notable lines:

"Pig fucker"

"Can you go tell him to fuck a bag of glass or something?"

"I've been doing this since before your mother was throwing herself down the stairs belly first."

"Paddington Bear looking fuck."

Rambling TV is a weekly series where I ramble semi-coherently about things I watched on television. This week is brought to you by wine I chilled way too early before I went to drink it. Click those gifs to be redirected to their makers.