Rambling TV: Surprise, Crows, Agents of REGRESSION + more

Game of Thrones

Castle Black
Jon is back and he's confused. I think we all would be too if we came back from the dead. He didn't see anything, he can't answer Melisandre's inquiries about the afterlife, but after a "fuck it all" pep talk from Davos he goes out to confront everyone. He's approached by Tormund first who throws in an always welcomed dick joke, then has a sweet moment with Edd that was reminiscent of his hug with Robb way back in the Pilot before he left for Castle Black. At the end of the episode, he hangs Alister (who goes out a smug asshole) two other randoms and Olly, who doesn't say a word. I was hoping Ghost would get the honors of killing Olly, but at least he's gone. The camera lingering on their hung bodies was very disturbing. 

Braavos
Arya is still getting her ass beat, but after the Waif quizzes her on her entire family and motives (Catelyn mention!) Arya gets her stick up in time to defend herself and Jaquen gives her sight back after her Westeroesi Rocky training montage. 

On the boat to Oldtown
We see Sam and Gilly for the first time this season. Little Sam FINALLY AGED!! Sam tells Gilly he's taking her to Horn Hill to his family as women are not allowed in the Citadel. She argues at first, but then accepts it. When Sam said he'd feel better if she threw something at him, she says "I'd never do that to the father of my son." Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Bloodraven's Cave
This week's vision is the much anticipated Tower of Joy....which got split into two parts because D&D love to milk shit, apparently. That was annoying, but it didn't take away from how incredibly awesome this sword fight was. We see young Ned Stark and Howland Reed fight the legendary Arthur Dayne and his fellow Kingsguard, and we learn that Ned wasn't always that honorable. Dayne was about to kill him when Howland stabbed him in the back. Bran calls out to his father who turns at this voice, seemingly hearing him, Then Bloodraven pulls him out of his dream. Bran yells at him for doing this and says he doesn't want to be like him in a tree. Bloodraven says he won't be, but he most learn everything before he leaves. I thought it was very realistic to have Bran grow frustrated with his teaching. I'm looking forward to finishing this dream.

Meereen
Varys intimidates the woman that got some of the Unsullied soldiers killed last season while Tyrion tries to engage Grey Worm and Missandei into a drinking game that they are clearly having no part of. They find out the Sons of the Harpy are funded by masters in Asapor, Yunaki, and Volantis. I liked seeing Varys in action but the rest was a bit dull.

Vaes Dothrak
Dany reads off her credentials to a Khaleesi that could not give less of a fuck. Instead she tells Dany that since she bailed for awhile before coming to Vaes Dothrak, the men will get to decide what happens to her. You can see Dany making a mental note to burn people.

King's Landing
For some reason Jaime is following Cersei around like a lost puppy and all it does is annoy the shit out of me. Can I have book 3 and on Jaime back, please? Olenna throws some Lannister shade at the small council meeting, and Qyburn meets Varys' "little birds." that was the highlight.

Winterfell
Smalljon Umber makes a memorable entrance, calling Roose Bolton a cunt (twice) throwing a pedo jibe at Karstark, then instead of kneeling to Ramsay, he offers a gift instead....Rickon Stark and Osha. When Ramsay asks how he's supposed to know that's really Rickon, the most upsetting thing in the entire episode happens...we see Shaggydog's severed head. Please let this be the last dead direwolf, I can't take this anymore. I was so sad about this I couldn't even enjoy Olly's death scene. RIP Shaggydog, bad enough you got stuck with that name. I fear for Osha and Rickon now. 

Agents of SHIELD

Because this show can never be consistent, it went from an excellent episode last week to focusing on the things that made it's first season terrible: Ward and Daisy getting all the screen time. These two cannot act and have no chemistry together. Seeing them in scene after scene was just infuriating. May actually asks the question "What is it about Daisy?" and I felt like she was speaking to me directly. What is so special about Daisy? Why is this show making her the lead when it should be Coulson? Why do the Inhumans take all the focus instead of the thing that made this show interesting in the first place? The normal people.

And don't even get me started on that incredibly cheesy Civil War mention. Tonight is the finale and I hope it's nothing like this episode.

By the way, you know there's a void left by Bobbi and Hunter when random SHIELD agents start getting speaking parts.

Veep

This week's episode didn't have as many laughs as the last two, but it was still a strong one. I felt so bad for Amy. Selena gave her no credit for anything.

Great lines:

"Can we blame another country for something we didn't do?"

"Thanks, pigfucker."

"Tell Jonah to shut the fuck up."

Random TV thoughts:

I made the mistake of watching Victor Frankenstein this weekend and I cannot believe how terrible it was. I can't remember the last time I've seen a movie that felt so poorly staged. Even the camera movements felt unnatural. They tried to incorporate slow motion shots, but apparently decided they didn't need to slow down all that much so everything just looked disjointed and weird. 
Also weird was Vacation, especially the Norman Reedus pedophile jokes. At least no horses were fucking on Silicon Valley this week. 

Rambling TV is a weekly series where I ramble semi coherently about the things I've watched on television. This week's post was brought to you by my tears because what the FUCK, Game of Thrones? Click those gifs to be redirected to their makers.