DVD Review: The Bronze

But I'm a star.

When Hope (Melissa Rauch) was 17, she suffered a career ending injury on the Olympic stage when she broke her ankle on the beam. She managed to pull herself through the bars routine and win the bronze medal. Since then, she still lives in her small town in Ohio where she's completely worshiped as a hero. But now she's lazy, rude, and refuses to get a job. When she finds out her former coach committed suicide and pledged to leave a hefty inheritance to her if she coaches her new prodigy, Maggie (Haley Lu Richardson) Hope decides to slack her way through that as well. But when a former rival, Lance (Sebastian Stan) berates her for her poor job, she starts actually trying to get Maggie to the Olympics. 

I know this film kind of bombed at the box office, but I like vulgar comedies so I gave it a try. Unfortunately, it suffers from a protagonist so unlikable that she isn't funny. It was the same issue I had with Eastbound and Down only ten times worse. There's no redeeming quality to Hope and her jokes aren't funny enough to make up for it. It's a shame that actors like Gary Cole, Thomas Middltdich and Cecily Strong got roped into this as well.

Rauch wrote this film with her husband, yet her performance is very bland. Richardson as the adorable Maggie is the stand out alongside Middleditch. The only part of this film that manages to be surprising is an gymnastic routine sex scene between Rauch and Stan, she used a body double, but he didn't. So you get to see his glorious ass. The sad part is, that's the highlight.

Recommended: No

Grade: F

Memorable Quote: "Stop talking, I'm thinking." - Hope (Melissa Rauch)

10 comments:

  1. Soooooooo I think I'll be skipping this one!

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  2. So in-line with you on this. Absolutely hated it. Barely laughed once throughout.

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  3. Stan's ass was the best thing that came out of this movie - I agree. The best asset by far.

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    1. He was a trooper. He didn't even use a double lol.

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  4. I saw the gymnastics sex scene and yes, Stan has a nice ass. I probably won't see it as I was hoping it would be funny but thank you for the warning.

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    1. The sex scene is by far the highlight of the entire movie, which kind of sad. lol

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  5. I haven't seen it. Matt did and just couldn't get beyond the protagonist so I just didn't feel like attempting it myself.

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    1. Don't, she's the worst. This movie is the worst.

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