DVD Review: Beauty and the Beast

This movie sucks, you guys.

I don't think I need to recap what Beauty and the Beast is about. It's one of my favorite Disney movies, and when I heard they were doing a live action version, I welcomed the idea. In my mind, I fan casted Emmy Rossum as Belle as she would've been perfect. Instead, they chose Emma Watson, who cannot act (nor sing as it turns out) and apparently didn't spend enough money on proper CGI because it all looked awful.

This isn't a review; it's a rant. I'll be up front about it in case you want to stop reading. I skipped it in theaters after seeing the trailers but it was an option for an in flight movie and my son legitimately wanted to watch it. 

It's sad when the two most obnoxious characters, Luke Evan's Gaston and Josh Gad's LeFou are the best part of the film. Kevin Kline was atrocious as Maurice, he looked like he couldn't be bothered to emote (maybe that's where Belle got that from?) Emma Watson ranges from "bored" to "trying hard to remember my lines" throughout the entire film and they've autotuned her voice so much that none of Belle's songs capture the same magic from the animated version.

And that right there is the film's biggest problem (aside from poor casting and CGI) they didn't capture any of the magic from the original. Be Our Guest wasn't as flashy. Tale as Old as Time wasn't as romantic. Even the talented voice cast couldn't breathe a bit more life into their characters. It was all subpar. 

I'm mostly in shock that a film who added unnecessary side stories that caused it to drag even more and whose lead has the weakest singing voice is going to make a billion dollars at the box office. Everyone was surprised that Alice in Wonderland managed that feat seven years ago. That was a far better film than this. 

Recommended: No

Grade: F

Memorable Quote: "The Captain has turned the seat belt sign back on, please return to your seats." - the flight attendant while I was watching this. 

20 comments:

  1. Holy christ an F! I dont think I ever saw an F from u before. This looks like a terrible film and I will never understand how Watson keeps getting roles. The fact she won an award for this over boo boo for Logan is offensive to me and common sense for numerous reasons

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    1. I've given F's before, just not many. I usually give D's but fuck this movie. It takes effort to ruin something from Beauty and the Beast.

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  2. "It's sad when the two most obnoxious characters, Luke Evan's Gaston and Josh Gad's LeFou are the best part of the film." I agree. They were the best part.. and that's quite bad.. I love your pick for memorable quote.. I have a similar quote in mind for The Mummy now.. I already tweeted it out but it would so nicely fit into your review structure. :D

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    1. lol I love it. It's bad when none movie quotes are the most memorable.

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  3. MOTHERFUCKER!!!!! Wow.... I heard mixed reviews about the film but man.... you fucking killed it! I guess this is your Aloha. I do love it when films get trashed but man..... I'll make sure I avoid it. And this if the role Emma Watson did instead of La La Land and yes, I think Emmy Rossum would've been a perfect Belle.

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    1. Watson would've ruined La La Land too. Thank God she dropped out of it.

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  4. I still have to see it and I will but now..I will be thinking about your hatred for this film and laughing.

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  5. I love this! Very straight to the point. Watson isn't a strong performer, and this movie needed someone whose performance can carry the movie. I was disappointed with the Be Our Guest number; I was expecting it to be flashy and in par with the animated movie but nope!

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    1. Same! That's the one thing I thought they'd actually get right, but the failed at that too.

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  6. lol I had the opposite reaction, but nice review! As much as I liked this version (Evans, Gad, Stevens, costume, production, etc), the original is still BEYOND my favorite. Paige O'Hara is my Belle forever. The script is cringe-worthy in some parts, and the "twist" with the Enchantress at the end made me so mad, I did a whole rant to it on my blog.

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    1. And, I agree Emmy would've been made a cute Belle!

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  7. Wow! Didn't see that coming. Sounds like it has the same problems I had with the live-action Cinderella from a couple years ago. It was just a lifeless retelling of a story we already knew. I haven't seen this one yet, but will soon enough since it's on Netflix. Strangely, I'm even more curious about it, now.

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    1. I never bothered with Cinderella either, but I'm one of the few people that liked the live action Alice. I just can't believe BATB failed the way it did for me.

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  8. I didn't hate it as much as you did (probably because Beauty and the Beast was not one of my favourite Disney movies) but I sure didn't like it. You're so right about Emma Watson's acting. It's almost painful to watch.

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  9. Hahahah...this is f--king awesome.

    I don't think I hated this as much as you did, but it was definitely a steaming pile of dogshit. And all that money is only going to encourage more of it.

    Dude...I hated Gad in this. I wanted to punch him in the dick. Oh, and best quote ever.

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    1. See, that's the thing. I wanted to punch Gad too, and he was one of the most tolerable things about this movie. That's so fucked up.

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  10. I wouldn't bash this has harshly as you. I like Emma Watson. But this movie is totally unnecessary unlike the far superior Cinderella, which even improved on the Disney original in many ways. I'm not a huge Beauty and the Beast fan to begin with, but I would have rather watched something else, or the animated version again over this.

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    1. I should probably watch Cinderella now lol.

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