Game of Thrones
Beyond the Wall
Bran and Meera are still being chased by wights. Poor Meera finally drops from exhaustion pulling that sled. Bran is still getting several visions "uploaded" into his brain. Lots of wild fire, visions of Jaime killing the Mad King, the deaths of his family members, and white walkers. He wakes up, and he and Meera hold each other before the Wights descend on them (aww) then all of a sudden
Sam and Gilly rival Jesse Pinkman, Walter and Skylar White in the most awkward dinner conversation ever. Sam's dad is the fucking worst. He spends a good majorty of one of the books telling Brienne she "needs a good raping" so I was happy to see his dickishness (not a word) translated to screen well. He berates Sam, when Gilly stands up for him and tells them Sam killed a White Walker and that he's a better warrior than Dickon or Randyll will ever be, Randyll rages over the fact that Sam brought a Wildling to his table. The best part, Sam, Gilly, and Little Sam run off in the middle of the night and steal Randyll's Valyrian steal sword, Heartsbane. I cheered. Go Sam.
Arya watches the play of Joffrey's wedding and goes back stage to poison the actress' whisky. She accidentally runs into her and they have a nice discussion about how she plays Cersei. Arya has a change of heart last minute and slaps the poisoned drink away from her and tells her to be careful of the other actress that wants her dead. The Waif sees this and reports back to Jaqen, who says the Waif can kill her, but to make sure she doesn't suffer. Arya goes and retrieves Needle from her hiding spot.
Margaery and Tommen talk about how she only pretended to be nice and really needs to atone for her sins. They have her out on the steps looking like she's about to do a walk of shame when Jaime and Tyrell soldiers show up. Of course, this is all a ruse, The High Sparrow wasn't going to make her walk and says she atoned by converting Tommen to the Faith. Tommen then promptly fires Jaime from the Kingsguard and sends him off to the Riverlands to try to regain control of Riverrun from the Blackfish.
Later, Jaime bitches to Cersei and they kiss. I'm too annoyed to even talk about this story, I HATE what the show has done with Jaime. He's no longer Cersei's puppet in the books and I have no idea why they insist on throwing away all the development he had in S3 for this.
Walder Frey bitches out his sons for losing control of Riverrun. There's Red Wedding, Tully, and Brotherhood Without Banners mentions. Lawd, give me Stoneheart.
The Dothraki Sea
Daario for some reason is super supportive of Dany and no longer a creep, she rides ahead of the Dothraki and returns mounted on Drogon to give them another pep talk. Dany's pretty good at political rallies, and the CGI of her on Drogon looked far better than it did last season.
This episode was brilliantly titled "cuntgate" and was all about Selena trying to 1) Find out who in her office called her a "cunt." (it was everyone) and 2) Trying to make a decision on who to bail out, but not before completely dragging Mike, Ben, Tom, and Kent around with it. Dan also became Jonah's campaign manager only for Bill to show back up and let Dan know just how pissed he is for being thrown under the bus earlier this season.
Gary also thought the C word was "crone" in the most amazing scene in the entire episode.
"This is so much more beautiful to watch than the birth of my child."
"Oh wait I do have hard feelings. I'm consumed by it."
"They make you look half smart you fucking goon!"
"Have you ever been called a cunt?"
"You wouldn't know the smart move if it bent you over and fucked you with a Coke bottle."
"At least when Truman made the decision to drop the bomb he wasn't fucking anyone in Hiroshima"