Rambling TV: True Blood recap

True Blood should've opened their season with last night's episode. It still had it's flaws, but it was far better than anything else we have seen this season. It was season 4 level. As always, click those gifs to be redirected to their makers.

thx fr th mmrs

The opening scene was a shot of Sarah Newlin (with a new dye job) doing yoga. So we know she's coming back into play.

Alcide finds out Sookie went to Bill's and is rightfully pissed. Cut to Bill and Sookie driving away, and Bill saying he "covered their tracks." Sookie drinks Bill's blood so he can always find her. Sookie wants to use herself as bait so she can be taken to wherever they are holding the humans, then Bill can bring Alcide and everyone else to come rescue them.

Andy and Jess free Adilynn and Wade and save us from that awful making out conversation they were having. Fucking teens. They head over to Jason's where he and Violet are fighting. Jason wants to adopt kids because a man is "nothing without his family" and Violet basically called him a pussy. She says men in her day didn't freak out when they saw dead bodies, they were warriors. There was actually a lot of great lines in this scene. Violet tells Jason she thought he had an "iron forged cock." and Jason says "I'm a modern man, I have feelings but I'm still a badass warrior" or something of that sort. Violet still has a problem with Jessica and tells her this "Pollyanna shit" is what makes her hate her so much. They all head off to find Sookie, because they think the mob is after her.

Said mob runs into Sam and kills his vampire protector. He tries to talk down Kenya saying he's the mayor. Someone whispers in her ear "translation, he's white, you're black." Ugh. Sam shifts and flies away.

trololololol

Andy, Jason, Violet and Jessica find Sam's car, and the mob. They're not listening to them either. Hoyt's mom wants to kill Jessica for obvious reasons, and shoots her in the shoulder. Violet rips out Hoyt's mother insides (Yes!), and the mob freaks and runs away. That's all it took? 

Lafayette spends the entire episode getting high with James, who has to remind Lala and the audience that he's still with Jess. Please tell me Lafayette gets to do more this season?

Willa is forced to relocate after Lettie Mae can't stop craving her blood. The Reverend tells her that she's like a bottle of Captain Morgan to her now. I'm torn with the Reverend scenes. They were all very sweet, but so fucking pointless at the same time.

Holly, Arlene, Girl I Don't Give A Fuck About, and that drunk chick from Merlotte's are the only basement captives left (because plot purposes) They're trying to summon spirits when a vampire walks in on them and says "Who thinks she's Harry Potter?" Holly speaks up, and they take her hunting with them as a "trail mix" Apparently these Vamps need to eat every hour on the hour.

I saved the most interesting bits for last...

motivational plot purposes

We find out why Eric chose France. Back in the 80's, he fell in love with a girl named Sylvie that lived there. They fuck out in the moonlight, because of course they do. They talk about Godric, and I think we're about to get a cameo, but instead we get Nan! The bitchy Authority spokesperson who says "Chancellor Gainsborough said you'd be tall." (Which again proves that Nora's character made NO sense because they established in S5 that no one knew Nora and Eric knew each other, but here is Nan being sent to Eric BY Nora. Is continuity really that hard?)

Anyways, this is about the time True Blood is being made, so they don't want Vampires feeding on humans in the open. Pam is all ready to comply, but Eric tells Nan to fuck off. When Pam expresses concern, he tells her "You don't fall in line with the authority. You fall in line with me." Later, The Authority has some Japanese Men in Black sent to hold Sylvie and Pam captive and makes Eric choose who lives. He chooses Pam, and they kill Sylvie. 

Pam thinks Eric is in France to die because he feels bad, and he's about to give up when she drops her trump card: Sarah Newlin is still alive. This motivates Eric to get up and go hunt that bitch down. So that's why we saw her. After this, they cut to Sarah again fucking her yoga instructor who says she needs to "breath deep, so they come together." Mental note that sex with yoga instructors must suck. After she heads to the cellar to get wine, the Men in Black show up looking for her, and kill him. She hides and sees his blood on the floor.

Back to Bill and Sookie, she talks about being nervous waiting for this to happen. Bill asks her if she loves Alcide, because "now that they're friends they should be able to talk about this." She said she feels bad about not loving him as much as he loves her. Suddenly, the vamps that have Holly show up and are about to take Sookie. They silver Bill, but luckily Alicide AND Sam show up just in time. Then Andy, Jason, Violet and Jessica show up as well to help clean house. As Alcide is freaking out on Bill for taking Sookie (ass naked, mind you), he's shot in the head by some of the mob that is hiding near by. Andy and Jason shoot back. Sookie cries over Alcide's dead body. Jess offers to turn him, but Sookie has been down that route before and declines. 

I'm glad Alcide's character is finally gone, because he's overstayed his welcome, but I actually felt bad for him here. He dies for Sookie right after she's saying how she doesn't love him. I figured he would go this season, but I wasn't expecting him to go in 3 episodes.

Next week's preview looks like Eric and Pam make it back to Louisiana, which makes me happy. It looks like they're wrapping up the Fangtasia portion of all of this.