Review: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
What year is it?
Four teenagers serving detention find an old video game console with a mysterious game called "Jumanji" that they've never heard of. They decide to give it a go, and find themselves transported into the game as the characters they've chosen. Now they have to complete a quest to free themselves.
How did the board game we remember from the 1995 film turn into a video game? Because it fucking felt like it. Seriously, the game overhears a kid bitching about how no one plays board games so it morphed into a video game. Then we're moving right along.
As for our four stereotypical teens, the nerd (Alex Wolf) transforms into The Rock. The jock(Ser'Darius Blain..and ps this dude is THIRTY) becomes Kevin Hart, the angry girl (Morgan Turner) turns into Karen Gillan, and the self obsessed popular girl (Madison Iseman) ends up as Jack Black. Thankfully, these actors have excellent chemistry together even though they're playing caricatures.
I give this film credit in a few places. There are about three legitimately funny things that happen. Nearly all of the video game related humor lands. (The characters that only have stock phrases, weaknesses, smoldering, etc) A well placed dick joke, and a perfectly timed use of the word "bitch." Everything else ranges from basic to bad.
Remember when I said the leads had great chemistry? Thank God for that because the next two billed actors, Nick Jonas and Bobby Cannavale are awful. I'm not sure which is worse. How the camera lingers on Jonas when we first see him like we're supposed to be impressed by a former boy bander's casting or whatever the hell Cannavale was trying to do with that accent. I've never seen him be bad in a film before.
I think I got my hopes up. I thought this film was going to be awful when I first saw the trailer, then it started doing well, and I thought I had misjudged it, but it's essentially mediocre on every level.
Memorable Quote: "Oh my God, Martha! Come look at my penis." - Bethany (Jack Black)