Game of Thrones
Another average episode of Game of Thrones this week, though it seems things are really going to start kicking off next week, particularly in King's Landing.
The show does a cold open for the first time since season 4, and it almost looks like we're watching a completely different show. It's shot through a more vivid lens, people are happily working together building some sort of structure. Then it cuts to a man carrying a log all by himself. It's the Hound. A septon found him and nursed him back to health. He tells him the Gods have plans for him since he's still alive. Later, some assumed defectors of the Brotherhood Without Banners come and kill all the people working there, and hang the Septon. The Hound picks up an ax and walks off.
This whole thing was a wasted opportunity. Sandor in the books is a reformed man, and I expected him to be here too. I also expected Septon Meribald to give his "Broken Man" speech from the books, but apparently the title of this episode was just a cocktease. None of that happened. Sandor going off with revenge against the Brotherhood isn't a great story, and it doesn't work for my Stoneheart hype either. The only person Sandor should want to kill his is brother Gregor.
The Freys are holding the most pitiful siege ever outside of the Castle until Jaime and the Lannister troops show out and literally smack some sense into them. Jaime treats with the Blackfish who said he won't give up his castle, and that he's disappointed in Jaime after seeing him face to face. I'm disappointed in Jaime too, Blackfish. They murdered all his wonderful character development.
Tommen, that little bitch boy has the nerve to tell the High Sparrow Margaery hasn't come to their marriage bed since she's been back. He tells her she has a duty as a vagina to accept the royal dick to make an heir. Obviously, she doesn't give a fuck. Later, Septon Unella won't give Olenna and Margaery some privacy. Olenna throws shade at her but Marg slips her a note and tells her to return to High Garden. The note is a drawing of the Tyrell flower, so she knows Margaery is playing a game. Later, Olenna tells Cersei how stupid she is and that she ruined everything. Maybe that's what Cersei needed to hear to unleash her crazy.
Sansa, Jon, and Davos are on a Northern tour to gain alliances. Tormund gives a great speech to rally the Wildilngs. When they go to Bear Island and meet it's 10 year old lady, Lyanna. Jon and Sansa are failing quite miserably to gain her support when Davos steps in and wins her over. Turns out she only has 62 men, but hey they fight with the strength of 10 each! Then House Glover throws some major Robb shade and declines, they just got their castle back from the Iron Born. Sansa has the nerve to keep questioning Davos despite him not doing a single shady thing ever and she eventually writes a letter at the end of the episode, probably to Littlefinger for the Vale army. She's wary of Davos, but will ask help from Littlefinger. Got it.
The Greyjoys have sailed to a brothel in Volantis where they plan to outrun Euron and treat with Dany. Yara, who's into women now, I guess, tells Theon to essentially suck it up because he had a "few bad years." It was completely insensitive and I felt bad for him.
Arya books passage on a Westerosi ship and as she's standing on a bridge having one last look at the Titan, an old woman approaches her and stabs her in the stomach. It's the Waif wearing another face. Arya falls into the water to get away and she walks down the street with her gut bleeding and no one helping her.
Selena was on fire tonight. She was at an event trying to gain more votes when she finds out Tom is going behind her back telling people to abstain because if you remember from last season, if the House can't split the vote, it goes to the Senate and the current vice president automatically becomes the president.
She threatens a few people, then calls out Tom and they have a massive screaming match that leads to them hate fucking. (poor Gary walked in and saw it)
Richard also keeps fucking up his video and not getting anything on tape for Jonah's campaign trail. We also saw the return of Patton Oswald this week.
"Don't look around, no one's gonna help ya."
"I feel like someone is going to play a trick on him, drop a bucket of pigs blood in his head or something."
"Feel my dick, I'm rock hard for you!"
"This is the 50 Most Beautiful Staffers, not the 50 people mostly likely to kill themselves before trial."
I'm going to start The Path this week on Hulu. God help me with Hulu's ridiculous commercials...
Rambling TV is a weekly series where I ramble about the things I've watched on television. Click those gifs to be redirected to their makers.