SYTYCR: The Room

I participated in this tournament over at LAMB, I was ousted in round 2, which is actually kind of a blessing because I would've had to review one of the Harry Potter films next and I think that would be a dead give away to anyone who's ever read my blog over the years. Nonetheless, it was a lot of fun. Here is the original review, any comments I've added will be in blue.

Oh Hi, fellow LAMBs

The film that was chosen for me was the train wreck cinematic masterpiece known as The Room. I feel like I should point out that this review is coming from someone that usually enjoys "bad" movies and can find the humor in them. I was really tempted to just write "what the fuck?" and submit that, but as funny as that would've been to me, no one would've voted.

The main story line that is actually consistent throughout the film is that sweet Johnny (Tommy Wiseau, with an accent that suggests he grew up in Poland/Denmark/United States/Sri Lanka/Antarctica/France) is being played by his fiancee, Lisa (Juliette Danielle). Lisa has grown bored of predictable Johnny, and has moved on to his reluctant best friend, Mark (Greg Sestero). When I say a story line that is consistent, I'm referring to the fact that there are multiple subplots that arise during the film, but go absolutely nowhere and are soon forgotten. There's actually this fantasicly bad scene where a drug dealer threatens another character, Denny, on the roof of their apartment complex. I thought this would be a big deal and they don't even fucking mention it after it's done. At all.

Tommy Wiseau really wants us to know that this is his film. Hell, his name appears in the opening credits about 5 different times. Perhaps he put a lot of work into this, the problem is that it's horrible. Not even campy horrible (Think: Mommie Dearest), just plain bad. The worst part is that it doesn't even feel like it was intended. It lacked that tongue-in-cheek, self aware vibe that some films give off when they know they are a giant stereotype. Everything about The Room feels unnatural, from the sets, to the way he cuts to different scenes, to the way the "actors" deliver their lines. It reminded me of a class I took in high school where we had to film ourselves "pitching sales in a commercial." No one wanted to do it, so of course everyone came off like a robot reading from cue cards. That's exactly what the film felt like! Then again, how can you blame these actors when they are given gems of dialogue like "Sometimes you feel love deep down in your heart." "I want to do what I want to do..what do you think I should do?" and "I definitely have breast cancer." (That last line delivered so nonchalantly that you think she would be telling you about something as simple as the weather vs a life threatening illness.)

Don't even get me started on the continuity issues, the poor dubbing, or the fact that the film has 3 sex scenes accompanied by a terrible sound track that go on far too long. I seriously was so embarrassed watching them that I thought someone was going to kick down my door and accuse me of watching cheap porn. In fact, the only way I can actually recommend this film with a clear conscious is if you are curious on seeing how bad it really is. Or if you plan on watching it with a group of friends, a 6 pack, and possibly any herbal substances you choose. Though, there might not be enough alcohol in the world to make this a pleasant experience. Seriously, I had hoped to at least laugh at this..but wow, this is BAD. 

Rating: 1/2 out of 5 Lambs. That 1/2 comes from the fact that it probably is more enjoyable while under the influence.


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